More details on the story of religion being unlawfully used to steal a son from his mother. May Set bring the most vicious justice, may Aset protect this child and see him united with the one who can care for him best, and may Anpu strike down those who would unbalance ma’at.

Son of Hel

So, I’ve been told I can actually post the names of those involved in our journey.

These our our foes.

I suppose I will start off with the boy’s father: Paul Vallerand. As mentioned the lawyer, hired by his parents (for the illegal resistance to a lawful order to terminate temporary custody), attacked mine and R’s religion as a reason to be unsuitable for the care taking of her son. Well, Paul was the one who introduced R to Paganism. In fact, he was something of a priest at the time they met. Not to mention that he engaged in the art of exorcism with R supporting him, and according to R potentially made several pacts with high level demons and devils. He has since become “Christian” and while swearing (as reported to us by the “best friend”) had no idea the Lawyer was going to use religion to…

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This is a horrible story. Spread this everywhere, such injustice should not go unnoticed. Please pray for the family

Son of Hel

I’m gonna start us off with a song.

Epic adventures in stories are something we all enjoy. We dream of living them. Sometimes we get to. The last three days were such a journey.

But such journeys are often marked by tragedy, and ours was as well.

My girlfriend, business partner, and love, R has a son. When she come to live with me, she left him behind because it was supposed to be a temporary stay, that became the effort to bring a new life. As soon as it looked as if she would be putting down roots, she wanted her son back. But her son’s father, and his father’s parents, did seek to deny the return of her son, though by law he should have been as it was a temporary guardianship that could be terminated at any time.

Last Tuesday, the Day of Tyr, we set off…

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Tired

I don’t know why but I feel unwell. Not physically or anything, emotionally and mentally. Maybe it was from my lack of sleep last night followed by a long first day. And that being on the heels of an emotional weekend? Yeah, totes tired. I went to bed feeling tearful over something I normally only feel disappointed and longing over (ie, not being with my boyfriend for the night). It’s not so much unusual as it means that my brain might be heading for unpleasant territory.

I’m not sure what to make of it. I’m trying not to panic, trying not to worry that Crazy is making her rounds again. I think it says a lot about Boyfriend’s knowledge of me and perceptiveness that he got the feeling something was bothering me over the internet in the midst of silliness. I love him, he puts up with a lot from me and is very supportive of my new religious path. Most importantly he’s supportive of me. Isn’t he awesome?

So yeah, not really feeling too well emotionally. I mean, if I wasn’t feeling like I would cry or something this is pretty close to the calm that allows writing and other creativity without it being frazzled or cheesy or whatever. Of course, it’s not that calm, it’s its depressed cousin. I’ll probably pray and offer before bed and make something for Anpu. I have no idea what, I just feel like He wants something and I feel like it doesn’t really matter what it is, but I’ll make something. Maybe a washcloth and a scarf or something. I said something about it on Twitter and since it attaches to my Facebook, Helms liked the tweet and I commented that Anpu does this to me all the time. Makes a request for *something* but gives no further instruction or sign and that I would feel silly making a washcloth or something. Helms very kindly mentioned that it would be for His daughter. At first I thought he meant Kebechet, but then it occurred to me, no, I’m also Anpu’s daughter. Didn’t really think of it that way, I kind of prevented myself from doing so to avoid Snowflake Syndrome, but it’s cool to think of it that way.

Crocheting does often make me feel better, so even if it’s a little plain, well I made if for Him because I wanted to and He asked for it, and in typical dad fashion He’d give it back. Couldn’t tell you how much stuff I’ve given to my biological dad and my stepdad that ended up back to me, so yeah XD I dunno, I need a hug and something. I wish Boyfriend was here, he’d cuddle with me.

Asthma Again and Goddesses

So yesterday I finally got my room back. Yup, my sister moved into mine when she had Nephew and her room got turned into storage. Of course that meant when I got back to my mom’s house I had no place to sleep. Yesterday we finally finished cleaning up and arranging her room so now I have mine back! The only downside is I am allergic to dust, among other things, and that is one of the things that always sets off an asthma attack. Now, luckily my asthma has been relatively well behaved since I last wrote about it, though it’s still way too angry at life, I know this because my inhaler is nearly half empty (yay for a counter on it).

Anyway, the moving and cleaning and such set my asthma off as I expected. Now, as anyone with a chronic lung disease knows (or hell, something short term like a bad cold or pneumonia or flu) knows how exhausting it is. Not just that, but it completely disrupts sleep and restfulness. Like last night. I actually often dream of having an asthma attack if I’m having one IRL and last night was no exception.

It started off with me traveling with Sister and Boyfriend and some other random happenings. During this time there was a scene where I was in the car with Boyfriend and Sister and said something about Serqet. That I should pray to Her because this was getting to the end point. I actually prayed to Her in this dream, something like “Oh Lady of Lungs, Guardian of Breathing, come close to me”. We then went to Sister’s friend’s house who lived near my grandmother (this person doesn’t exist IRL) and she’s nice and kinda energetic and for some reason is trusted with babysitting Nephew. Now at this point I’m talking to her and she’s talking about a whole bunch of strange stuff that I can’t remember. I remember around this time I took my dose of albuterol for sudden symptoms. It seemed to work and the friend invited us out.

I don’t know why we accepted, but we did and I got into a van with her and Boyfriend and Sister got into another one. There was a bunch of people in both vans besides us and we went to this big house where people were outside and inside praying and listening to sermons. They weren’t Christians though, they looked more like Muslims in fact. I don’t know what this meant but I actually didn’t go listen to any of it, in fact I went to find Boyfriend and Sister. I was complaining about my asthma again and how I didn’t want to use my inhaler again, it was too early. I did eventually, but my asthma was just getting worse through the course of this dream.

Eventually I ended up using the inhaler four more times, each one not working and my breathing just getting harder. It was a horrible feeling, especially trying to use the inhaler and not even feeling like you’re inhaling the medicine into your lungs but just into your mouth. At a certain point the dream even had me going into my drawer to get my spacer that I haven’t used in years to try and make it easier to breathe in the medicine. I never use it mainly because I know how to properly use my inhaler without it, but I was hoping it would help and it didn’t.

Eventually I just went to find Boyfriend and Sister again (I had been exploring the house and talking to people) and had them call 911. Now, it takes a lot to get me to ask for an ambulance, I have a ton of tips and tricks that I’ve learned over the years to stay out of the ER, but this was just like no, I won’t be stupid, just call the hospital. In the meantime I was somehow in my pajamas and wanted to change, which was like pulling teeth because for some reason I had no regular clothes of my own and Sister wouldn’t give me any of hers. Eventually she did and I set about finding someplace to change.

I went upstairs and found a huge bathroom, but it was open to the staircase and had a strange window on one wall. I tried to change as fast as I could before people came upstairs, but it wasn’t fast enough. Some dude came up and was just staring at me before trying to talk to me and grab me. I just could not get my clothes to cooperate and this asshat was creepin on me hardcore. Others started to come upstairs though and made him get back, but it was still an issue of privacy. Even though he got back, he kept staring and so did others. Eventually I got my clothes on and went downstairs where I met up with Boyfriend and Sister and went outside.

I asked about the ambulance, it still wasn’t here and that made no sense since we weren’t in East Jablip or something. Outside was a playground and children, including a mom and her two kids. I overheard their conversation with each other, both the woman’s daughter and son were having asthma attacks and they were waiting for an ambulance too. There’s weren’t too bad, not nearly as advanced as mine, but enough to warrant an ER trip all the same. The slow ass ambulance finally arrives, but with no lights on and just one. So then it was making the decision between who would go first, me or the kids. I looked at my fingernails since I had felt dizzy for a while and saw they were blue. Cyanosis. You have to be pretty fucking bad to get cyanotic, to have so little oxygen and breath that your nails are turning blue (lips and skin blueness are also a sign of cyanosis).

I showed my nails to the EMT who was acting like he was around kids who got an arm scrape as opposed to three people suffocating to death and he said “dingy, cyanosis, come on”. I woke up as I was getting in the ambulance. I was, in fact, wheezing substantially and was eventually forced to get out of bed and retrieve my inhaler. To say I wasn’t happy about being up at 7am from breathing troubles and a headache is an understatement. The asthma has bothered me at least half the day.

This of course had me waking up with Serket on my mind. The last time I wrote about my asthma, Helmsman-of-Inepu made a suggestion of talking to the goddess Serket. She is said to be a goddess of the lungs and of breathing (and water and scorpions and other venomous creatures) and could be a useful netjer to pester about lung health. He also suggested looking into medical heka about it as well. Now, I don’t know much about heka, or about this goddess, but ya know what? I’m willing to find out and knock on Her door. I’ve had this mild feeling that there was another goddess I wanted to get to know anyway, and She and Aset are friendly, so yeah. Conveniently, I found one of my asthma books that I never finished reading (like, I didn’t even finish chapter one O.o) last night, so I’m gonna get to reading that so I can do more on the mundane plane. Tonight or tomorrow I’ll make offerings to my three established deities and open a conversation with Serket. Maybe I’ll pose a question on magic to, well anybody now that I think of it XD Set, Aset and Anpu all have magic, the Jackal and The Lady are especially well known for it. Who knows, I’ll give it a shot. Wish me luck, I’ll have to make quite a few changes in my life and eating to move this along to better lung health.

And one last thing, completely off topic, I hope all the children from the shooting are resting in peace. I pray for their souls and for their families. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain that must be felt. Let this serve as a starting point for peace and peace talks that actually mean something and get somewhere in our country. May Anpu lead the dead to rest and Aset embrace the grieving families.

A Long and Strange Dream

So last night (this morning) I had a very long and intricate dream. I may not remember all of it, but here goes. It started with me walking to an apartment with a friend in a foreign country (dunno where, just know it’s not America even though it’s an English speaking country too). Anyway, I don’t know why I was there, but the inside of the apartment looked like my grandmother’s house. Which is fine, most of my spiritual stuff is still over there. But, it wasn’t just an apartment complex but also some sort of medical home for sick and disabled people. Whatever, they just have special rules about things, especially body fluids and clothes and shoes to keep disease from spreading.

Boyfriend was also there, we were living together here. I don’t know what he was doing for a lot of the dream, working I think. Why I wasn’t working is also beyond me, but the first night wasn’t much of anything. We explored our new apartment and talked to the people who ran the clinic and such and the medical rooms and some of the patients. They were all pretty cool, I think I was considering working there. One of my friends was there as well, she came over and let me borrow her strange keyboard. It was like a black computer keyboard with a small screen for typing. I don’t know why she gave it to me, but it was interesting to use.

I left the apartment to go for a walk (I’ll note that there was a dead train track on a bridge close by. It seemed important because I kept seeing it). It was rather dark out and I somehow ended up in a park. I was frustrated because I could no longer see the keyboard’s screen in the dark of the park. Then I heard a gruff and drunk sounding voice and turned to see a creepy guy behind me. I couldn’t see his face, but it was no surprise that I ran away. I don’t know how long he chased me, I just know I ran through the city to get away from him. Eventually I looked back to see if he was still behind me and I couldn’t tell, but a cop car went by and I went to walk after it. I heard someone in the crowd tell me that the guy had gotten on a bus a while ago, laughing.

I didn’t take the chance and knocked on the window of the cop car. The female cops let me in when I explained that I was being chased by a guy and decided to take me home. It was interesting being in the car with them, they talked about how they wished more people would ask for help instead of getting in trouble, like with drunk driving and such. They also got a call from dispatch about a shooting and it was the crazy guy who was chasing me (I just knew it was him, they didn’t say much to imply it). The cops didn’t want to put me out, but they were closest, so they let me out near the train tracks because it was the closest they could get before needing to leave.

I went up the stairs to cross the tracks since they were dead and there wasn’t a sidewalk for the road underneath it. There were people on it, my age, partying or something and I knew a couple of people, though I’m not sure how or their names. I just knew they were friends, but I wasn’t interested in partying with them on the tracks. I kept going to the apartment and went in through the clinic. I went back to my apartment where I had a conversation with someone about being incomplete. I don’t know who this person was or how we got to the topic, I just remember him talking about not feeling right and a symbol in my head (three isosceles triangles) and it just connected that the problem was he was incomplete. This epiphany for him is useful for me too, but I’m not sure how, I forgot when I woke up.

At this point family members moving around the house and turning the bright ass overhead light on woke me, but once they were gone my brain went right back to the dream when I fell back asleep. This time it was day and Boyfriend and I were coming back from somewhere, presumably getting him from work and we went through the clinic part of the apartment. Something was going on because a lot of the patients were out and getting some diagnostics done or having fitness tested or some such thing. We were just going around them and trying to be aware of the various cleanliness rules there. Unfortunately one of the hallways we went through had someone in it who was bleeding. This meant we weren’t going through it at all, especially since I somehow got blood splattered up the leg of my white pants. Why I was in all white is beyond me, but it meant I couldn’t leave until I had a change of clothes so the staff could wash and bleach the pants for me. It was annoying, since I had to wait for Boyfriend to come back.

Meanwhile I walked around chatting with the patients including one who was in the chapel. I don’t know why I was back there and I think we talked about health and religion, but I don’t remember. Eventually TB comes back with clothes for me and I change so we can go to our apartment. Two of my friends IRL come to see us that night, and a toaster oven-like object appears. It seems to be some sort of time control device and I have no idea why it’s there or for what purpose, but it’s supposedly some Dr. Who object even though I’ve never seen such a thing on the show. I remember some voice saying that my friend would be jealous because it’s Dr Who, but she barely commented on it. It had all sorts of buttons and messages on it. I can’t remember what they said exactly which is annoying because it was important and encouraging.

The next day, or what I assume to be the next day (like three days passed in this dream or something) we went back to the clinic side. Some sort of ruckus was going on, lots of talking and activity, then all of the sudden it was an impromptu wedding between two of the female patients. I’ve no clue what was going on at that point. I woke up soon after that.

First Prayer to the Three

Hey you three, I wants to say hi. I know we’re still getting to know one another and all and I’m tripping over my feet, so I figure to help me get better and more comfortable with talking to you, I’d write letters here. It’s partly because I like typing, like my blog, can keep my thoughts and things private if I really need/want to, and can keep everything together here as opposed to in ten different notebooks/journals. I will likely get notebooks specifically for this purpose as well when I get money or can decide on an already owned one, but I hope this is a good start.

Anpu, I appreciate you taking me in. I know I didn’t exactly start this off with the most mature intentions, but I really can see me being your follower forever. Learning about you revealed so much more than I thought and I can’t wait to see and learn more about you. Your calm and patience is forever appreciated, especially since I can be so very difficult. I don’t know what you’ve got in mind for me, but I feel like I can trust you not to hurt me, you are a guardian of the lost after all and sometimes I feel very lost, and that’s often when I feel you nearby. I can’t tell you how much that means to me, and I very much appreciated you and Set making your presences very obvious last week when I was upset and enraged over unkind things that had been said to me by someone who claims to love me and when old hurts by this person boiled up after. I think back to my old religion and realize that I’ve never palpably felt such comfort and affection from that god. He never outright ignored me I don’t think, but it was always words, never a comforting presence when I’m near tears and want to set things on fire and take a pole to everything breakable. I didn’t think I’d ever prefer silence over words, but actions say so much more and you came through for me and we’re not even that close yet. I can’t wait til we’re closer than my mentors with their gods. The thought makes me happy. I’d love to hear more from you, more in terms of maybe things you’d like me to try and do or get, things that would make you feel honored and worshipped, or simply pleased to call me yours. Life as an adult scares me, so does life with Set, and with You and Aset. I am afraid of messing up with you three and with Boyfriend and with everything. I don’t understand why it’s so hard to even get that life started. Every turn I feel like something is burning the rug under us and I don’t know why or how to stop it. I need some clarity or comfort here, just to say what would be a good turn to take or just a “patience, I got this” would be great….Here’s where faith comes in I suppose, I trust you and I trust Boyfriend and I trust Set. Still would help me relax if I got an “it’s ok” or something, cuz I’m struggling and lost and need you.

Set, I’ll admit you terrified me. I never thought of you as evil, in fact I’d never heard that stuff before I started looking into this path. I can’t say I’d heard of you beforehand period, but luckily I found those who know you and got me the real info on you first. You still make me nervous, after all you’re insane, a nut, and you are tough. But, you barged your way in and now I’m determined to be yours as much as Anpu’s. The thought of the havoc and chaos you’ll undoubtedly wreak in my life to toughen me up and make room for great things both in my soul and my mundane life is nerve-wracking, but I know you aren’t just gonna leave me alone to flounder til I drown and at the very least I have a calm force in the form Anpu. It’s gonna be like staring down a bull and scary as hell, but I believe I can trust you to whack me when I need it and tear apart mountains when I can’t take them anymore. In Christianity they talk about god being the one who will rend the earth and give up whole nations on my behalf, but also being the one who expects much and gives challenges to bring you closer to righteousness and I swear they stole all of that from you. Just, I see you being the one to tell me to put my big girl panties on while threatening some Thing or Person to back off or else. The Else being fire and sand and the strength of your arms and skill of your blade. We’re still getting to know each other, but I’m sure I’ll have fun and get angry with you for a while of my life yet. No matter what craziness you’ll bring or how intimidating you are, I find myself trusting you. I find myself believing that you aim to help me and that you care about me and I find myself wanting to be closer and seeing the Crazy Princess of Destruction that my mentors see. I pose the same question, help me with ideas and requests to facilitate dialogue and relationship building between you and I. Not just that, but help me understand where my life is going and why it’s not going or doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. Am I not doing something right? Am I overlooking something? Even a general “go look over there, I saw something shiny” would be great. Please and thank you?

Aset, my lady who I have only just met compared to Anpu and Set. I feel you nearby, waiting patiently. I know I asked you in for a purpose and that purpose hasn’t come about yet, but I feel like we will grow close in the future. I know it was a little ridiculous to ask for your teachings as a Wife and Mother when I am not even close to those right now, but you came anyway and told me you would help. I cried out in need and frustration and asked for you to help me in these ways and you came, just like Anpu and Set have responded when I reached out in tears. I appreciate that so much, so very much. And you have not asked for much since then, but I want to give you something or do something that will make you feel honored and appreciated. It would make me happy to have something I could do for you.

I know I can be kind of deaf, dumb and blind and hardheaded. I know I’m whiny and a crybaby, but I ask and speak out of sincerity. I would keep going, but I’d be babbling at a certain point and I am tired. The only thing I would ask of the three of you is to maybe help me find a way to communicate, or rather, hear or notice your answers, more easily. I’m still stumbling around in the dark here, I am still operating on how I was taught to communicate with deities from a different religion and mostly in the dark here. Floundering sucks, but I’m trying to think and work on it and would so appreciate help here. Love you three, but I must be off to sleep ya know?

Aset

You know, I’ve been thinking lately about how I can give more attention to Aset. I get the feeling She’s waiting around for the right time, which is understandable since I did ask Her into my life for a very specific purpose. Namely, teaching me. You see, She’s a mother and a wife, and damn good at both jobs might I add and I want Her to teach me to be good at both jobs as well. Thing is, I’m not close to either job yet. But She showed up anyway instead of telling me to buzz off til I’m actually there. I appreciate that and want to do something to show that to Her. I will be abuggin all three of my deities for any petitions or requests they might have, but I really want to give Aset some special attention or something. I mean, She’s the only goddess around so far at the very least lol

But seriously, any suggestions? I feel like She will be very special and important, especially when it comes time for my wife and mom lessons to start and She’s probably gonna be waiting around for a couple years before that. I just feel like I don’t give Her enough attention and want to do something that can be done long term as well as short term to show that I am appreciative.

I was thinking I could make Her something through crochet or perhaps beading or something. Maybe the prayer beads I want to make can be for Her. Another of my e-friends suggested dedicating cooking and baking to Her as well and I think I will do that, along with other household chores and such. Gotta get used to that stuff right? You know, just to be an adult, much less a more traditional wife and mom (it’s how I was raised, and I kinda like it that way so yeah). I dunno, it’s a start right?

I am a feminist. Spread this and bring back real feminism!

Breaking Away From Modern Feminism

I’ve had the opportunity to write a paper for English class that I have been wanting to write since we started reading the feminist ridden book The Chalice And The Blade. My thoughts on a corner of Gender Roles/Equality.

I chose to expand upon my previous blog entry “Let’s Talk Sex…ual Revolution.” I mean, the Sexual Revolution did bring about a lot of change that benefited women (contrary to Gloria Steinem’s inane comments). However, it has indeed kinda screwed men over.

The biggest thing that I wanted to touch upon was the disparity between the rights of women over their bodies, and men’s rights over theirs. The more and more I tried to find statistics, information, anything, I was stonewalled. Apparently there are none. Look for women’s rights and such pages and pages and pages. Look for a man and you get nothing except an auto correct to…

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Action Offerings

I recently was pondering what sort of non-food offerings I could do for my gods besides writing. I had meant to write this post earlier in the week but forgot about it. What prompted my memory was the Red Cross calling for donations. Chill right? It’s perfect because I like giving blood (even though I have only done it twice) so it’s cool. Aubs donates blood in Sekhmet’s name, so I figured that was a perfect thing too. At first I was going to donate in Set’s name, but Anpu kinda quietly claimed it, and honestly I can understand why. Bodily fluids, healing, life force, restoration (since that’s what donated blood is used for). Right up His alley.

I still have no idea what I’d do for Set or Aset. I’ll ask. Always things to ask lol

On Praise and Prayer

These topics continue to be at the forefront of my brain for another week. The lovely Shine keeps patiently reminding me that things don’t have to be perfect or in poem/hymnal/etc format to be pleasing praise and worship to the Netjer. Thing is, I like poetry and writing it for Them. I’ve always liked poetry, it was my first love in writing, but I’ve fallen so far out of practice that it is difficult to write poems now. This distresses me greatly, and even more so because I have such a strong desire to write for my gods and my brain isn’t churning anything out.

At least for the time being while I battle the evil that is Writer’s Block, I have plenty of people giving me suggestions for how I can write for my gods and mildly alleviate the pain of writer’s block. Not only that, but plenty of people on TC gave me good suggestions for prayer. The thing is I’m still finding myself vastly insecure at prayer, especially out loud prayer. I’m not sure why, I never had that problem as a Christian. Maybe it’s cuz they’re actually there and responding and my shyness is getting the better of me. Maybe it’s because I didn’t grow up with the comfort and ease of praying to Them as I did with the Christian god. Who knows.

However! I’ll be taking the ideas I was given to heart, and one of them was writing letters. Now, I’ve written prayer-letters before, both to the Christian god and to my own, however the difference between that and the idea I was given is to read them aloud and even put them in my shrine space like an offering. And honestly, they are a sort of offering aren’t they? Since it’s a good idea and I like writing and it’ll help my brain stop screaming about writing to my Netjer, I’m going to do some of those prayers here on my blog. I’ll create a new category just for that stuff and other praise writings and any particular offering related things. As such, I think I’ll be offering Anpu and Set some dark chocolate, and Lady Aset some good tea with honey.

Speaking of The Lady of 1000 Names, She’s been quiet in the back of my head since I started offering to her. I mean, even quieter than Anpu, and anybody who knows anything about Him knows how quiet He can be. She asked for one thing, clean space and specific tenants of personal cleanliness. I did that (and have to do it again so I can set up some space in my room here at my mother’s house) and haven’t heard from Her since. I know I asked Her to come in, but I guess I expected some talking and instructions especially since I asked for Her for a specific purpose. Nope, radio silence, except for the sense that She’s there, behind Set who has demanded attention in my brainspace this past two weeks and next to Anpu who I feel wants tea. (Did I mention the weird dream that ended with a request for honey from Set? No clue why, but He’s getting honey, so whatev there, He can have it lol).

Maybe She’s waiting for something, but I have this sense that asking directly won’t get me an answer, but I’ll try tonight anyway. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been giving Her a lot of offerings? I don’t know. I heard Aset isn’t fond of junk food and there aren’t (or weren’t) much in the house besides junk food. I always offered my dinner (which is usually healthy) but her brother and friend end up with extra offerings through the day because they like chocolate and such. I don’t want to slight Her, not at all. She’s a magnificent goddess and responded in a time of need and frustration. She was prompt and clear and I imagine that once I figure out how to be Her follower that we will become close and She will be a goddess I can depend on especially when I enter into the realm of wife and mother.

I don’t know here, so if anyone has any insight, please share. As far as the gods go, well I still have no idea what Set has in mind. I’m pretty sure I know what He’s here for (I’ll go through that eventually), but I don’t see what He’s gonna do about it. Unless He’s already doing something about it and I’m just clueless and not looking. However He claimed forefront in my thought processes for the past couple weeks and I think He’s more  satisfied with the attention and the fact that I hopped to it when He asked for something.

Anpu, I’m sure He’s up to something, but He’s quiet and smiling as usual. He hasn’t really asked for anything directly from me, and that’s ok, though I do wonder if there is any particular thing, food, object, or action that He’d like. (I’m asking Sir!) Mayhaps I can ask all of Them to communicate more directly than between dream and wakefulness XD I forget that stuff easily sometimes. Or just more directly in general? I’m kinda blind and overlook stuff often, I mean, it’s been more than once that I’ve completely walked past someone that I’m looking for. Boyfriend can attest to this, especially since it just happened the other day when I apparently looked directly at him but did not see him at all. And I said to him when he complained: “I’m not ignoring you, I never outright ignore you. I didn’t see you, I can’t see you, obviously I couldn’t since I didn’t react to you in any way whatsoever. If I had seen you, even if I was still mad at you (we had had a disagreement), I’d have acknowledged you, said hi, changed my expression, something. You insist you shouldn’t have to do anything, but I’m not going to magically notice you where I didn’t before. If you keep standing still, silent and unmoving, I will never notice you anymore than I initially did. I can’t notice you.”

I think this applies here to my gods. I can’t see you, even if you’re there, in front of my face. I don’t know why, but sometimes my perception fails me, and if you keep standing still, silent, and don’t tap my shoulder or call my name or do something else that will capture my attention, I’ll walk right past you by accident. And then you’ll be mad when I ask where you are. And even name calling may not work, if one perception fails the other could be right behind it, or I’ll hear you and still not see you. Sometimes you’ll need to grab me (cuz walking next to me waiting for me to notice doesn’t work either, I know, Boyfriend tried) especially if I’m wrapped up in my thoughts and music. I’m a real thinky type, I can zone out of life so easily completely wrapped up in thoughts and ideas and visualizations. Grounding myself takes effort and I probably need more practice at that and centering than anything else. It means that I am not always physically aware and making connections between meatspace and thought and spiritspace. Basically, if you set up something for my benefit, I may not know that and realize it, and then you’ll be mad when I ask where you were. It’s nothing personal, I just miss stuff.

But I guess this is why they hit me up in my head, especially through dreams. I’ve long since been a dreamer and someone who pays attention to them. I have wacky dreams, as anyone who knows me well and has read this blog long enough knows. I have never had a dream that was typical or archetypal or common. Ever. And if for no other reason than entertainment I pay attention to them. The fact that I’ve had spiritual dreams in the past only reinforces the need to pay attention to them. As such the only time I’ve directly heard my Netjer’s voices (Set and Aset) and clearly felt their presence (Set and Anpu) was in dreams or between dreaming and wakefulness and once directly after. Who knows, maybe that is their best way to talk with me because my brain is silly or something. Who knows, but I’m glad for that much at least.