Empty Pill Bottles Desperately Needed (Take your meds & help others!)

Originally posted on ginger ail:

Pill bottles: they are those translucent orange soldiers that pile up all around us… in our drawers, bags, cabinets… sometimes I wonder – if I had saved every empty pill bottle since I got sick, what would that look like?
Mountains of Pill Bottles
One of the things I have always hated the most about being sick, is you often need more help than you can give.  That’s not always true, but there are definitely days or weeks like that for even the most functioning among us.  I see those specials on tv and think: I want to build a Habitat for Humanity house or dig wells in Africa (this might be a late night, insomnia induced thought but the general sentiment still stands).

Neither of those will be happening in my lifetime, but that’s okay.  There really are other things we can do, all of us, to help other people no matter how…

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Fallow Time: Idleness Is a Virtue

Originally posted on GODS & RADICALS:

Work is a very human concept. If the animals related closest to us are acquainted with its tedium, it is because they are domesticated by us and forced to aid us in our endeavours. Other mammals tend to take shortcuts through life. If their needs can be met by doing the bare minimum, they will, anyone who has ever had a pet will agree. It is highly likely we lived in much the same way for most of our history. Even though our lives were short, and harsh, a nomadic hunter gatherer lifestyle would guarantee ages of empty time. Time must have seemed as abundant as the vast landscape that surrounded us. There hardly was an elsewhere to think of, and as a consequence, people must have lived fully present in the here and now, eating, hunting and sleeping in accordance with the demands of their body and their environment…

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People > Gods

Originally posted on The Twisted Rope:

I remember seeing posts a year or two ago from various Piety Posse members who were attempting to draw proverbial lines in the sand. In these posts, they stated that they didn’t want certain people in their religion. Mainly, these people would be those who didn’t honor the gods in a certain way. People who didn’t give the offerings they deemed proper. People who didn’t practice their religion in exactly the same way that these people believed to be “fit”.

It is funny that we draw our lines in the sand over offerings. Over shrine adornments. Over UPG and personal interpretations of myths. We draw lines over things that are personal aspects of each person’s religious practice, and are relatively unimportant in the grand scheme of things.

We are okay with drawing lines in the sand over people who we deem as being disrespectful to the gods. But we…

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I’m very frustrated right now. My health is back and forth rather constantly the last month. I’m not even sure what it could be anymore, although currently MS fits the bill best. Sometimes though, I do wonder if it’s all in my head. Is that such a bad thing? No, not necessarily, but if it isn’t and I ignore it, well that’s a bad thing. My symptoms mostly just don’t add up, or they wax and wane so erratically that I can’t necessarily make heads or tails of them. What’s important? What’s just random? Will this particular symptom stay? Is this a product of insomnia, or albuterol, heat or just because I’m thinking about it? For example, increased heart rate, blood pressure and trembling, albuterol side effects that I’ve had before and readily recognize. Sometimes though, they’re there anyway, even though I haven’t used my inhaler or had any caffeine. Even then, my shaking isn’t usually this bad unless I used my nebulizer, and I haven’t used that thing in literally two years. It actually needs to be replaced. So why is it so much more intense lately? I don’t know.

Then there’s this whole religion thing. I’ve been too tired or sick lately to really get much of anything from anyone. I wish it would rain, I’ve been having a hell of a lot more clarity and calm when it’s rained ever since I started trying to connect more with the weather and water as a whole. I’m also reminding myself that one can be Kemetic without the gods, not that I necessarily want to be godless. I’ve spent several mornings greeting Heqat and Qebechet, because why not? One is my good friend’s “grandmother” and the other is one I’ve always been interested in. Maybe I’ll just surround myself with ladies, because I also thought of Serket. It makes me think of an old dream where four or five goddesses were watching me walk through a corridor. They were observing me like scientists, but also guiding me.

Earlier in the month, I had a dream about carnelian beads, a prayer necklace with a pendulum at the end. I have no idea what the thing as a whole means, but certainly not with the pendulum. I own a pendulum, but it’s quartz, not copper or gold (could have been bronze, it was yellow-y and metal, I dunno) like the dream necklace. There were also statues of a fox, wolf and Anpu. His statue wasn’t the focus, and it was above my head, something important to me because, as a short person, I’m more likely to look down for something than up. I often find things on a lower shelf than taller people and look under things first. They often see things over my head. Basically, it means he’s staying out of the way, where I won’t see him. I only just now thought of this because I was remembering grocery shopping this weekend and completely missing things I was looking for because they were on a top shelf. The fox and wolf statues though, they were just above eye level, where I frequently look for things. They were warped, but the fox was smiling. Zolfyer’s fox promised me help if I was her liaison to him. I haven’t taken her up on the offer.

I honestly feel more receptivity from the goddesses. Perhaps I needed to go through all this frustration and such. I dunno, but this morning I reached out and got Aset. Quite clearly at that. Really, I was poking at Anpu, asking what was I supposed to do now, was I supposed to move on, are you listening? I kinda blew it off, wondering if anyone would listen to me. Low and behold, a familiar feeling, and then Aset. “I’ll listen to you.” Devo made a suggestion when I told her about my dream with the prayer beads/pendulum (which also included my mother telling me she had the same beads, showing me the carnelian string that was twice as long as my actual prayer beads) that I sit with them and see what impressions I get. I haven’t really had the energy or concentration, and I’ll admit that I was rather jaded and ticked off too, but recently I did and I couldn’t quite figure out who or what it was. It felt familiar, and definitely feminine, insistent too, but at the time I was very distracted and exhausted. So, who knows. Another dream comes to mind, a scene of Aset arguing with Anpu about his plans and walking away crying. Perhaps she was upset at his plan to teach me to be self-reliant and look for what I really want and what can genuinely work for me, even if it’s hard and annoying and incredibly frustrating. Even if it makes me feel abandoned.

So many perhaps’ and possibilities. So much frustration.

Getting Your Astral Ducks in a Row

Originally posted on The Twisted Rope:

via wikimedia commons via wikimedia commons

I have spent a lot of time talking about how dangerous the astral can be. I’ve tried to drill home the fact that the astral can be fickle, and that it isn’t something to be trifled with lest you accidentally bite off more than you can chew. When it comes to the astral, I’ve always tried to present a realistic view of what you can expect. I try not to make out to be 110% scary, but I also try to ensure that everyone knows what they could be getting into before they start to knock on that proverbial door. I’ve always felt that it’s my responsibility as a traveler to represent the facts as they are, both good and bad, and to let everyone else make their own personal decisions about whether they want to take the risks of trying to get Over There.

Something that…

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I cannot feel your light.

Your burning cinders,

Your burnished bronze,

Your rich indigo,

Both chilled and warm,

Shudder-inducing in its frosty breeze,

Soothing and enveloping in its heat.

None of the excitement of late autumn,

Nor the relaxing of mid spring.

Though your light paints the horizon

Every dawn and dusk,

I cannot touch you in it.

I cannot feel you breathing into me.

I feel a whole lot of nothing

Though I see you daily.

I feel a little of everything

Trying to reach you.

Where are you?


I’ve been wondering what I’d write about all day today. I came up with a few poem stanzas, but they aren’t really fitting. Today was a frustrating day. First there was SEPTA fucking up my transaction, so I have no transpass and now have to go through a lengthy process with the bank to get my money back. This also means that until that time we’ll be spending money we don’t have to get me a transpass. Then there is Zolfyer feeling sick. He’s been feeling unwell for several days and it’s possible that it’s an extended allergic reaction to onions. Yeah, he’s got weird allergies, but luckily it isn’t anaphylaxis level allergic, although this is probably the worst reaction (persistent coughing, sore throat, headache and fatigue, losing his voice) yet. We’re likely going to have to start looking out for onion stuff more, since most of his symptoms were throat related. The other thing that’s happened is that Z has been on vacation all week and hasn’t gotten to enjoy a single day of it. First there was the bullshit with Cousin and Fiancee, then two days of us cleaning our house and shopping for new furniture, and family members unexpectedly calling on us for emergencies. He was going to sleep in and enjoy his last day of vacation, but lo and behold, I’m forced to ask him for a ride to school since I can’t get my transpass because inept SEPTA workers.

The only really nice thing that happened today was that our friend had her baby today. She is so precious. (And BGF is over and one of our younger card playing friends too)

I didn’t really enjoy class today. I wasn’t against it or anything, it just wasn’t entirely enjoyable. My class made it clear that my opinions would be minority as far as feminist ideology goes (and non-MD medical programs are always overwhelmingly female), because the way class discussion was going just ended up showing who felt what. Further, my teacher really only reinforced it and it’s obvious that she and the majority of my class is Christian and at least mildly conservative. Yeah, so it’s just one of those “how much do I feel like engaging with or arguing with these people.” The info was good though, learning about laws and such like HIPAA and OSHA is tomorrow.

I mean, nobody antagonized me, and I didn’t antagonize anyone, but oh I wanted to challenge everybody. I’m also extremely angry that my teacher described drainage and curettage abortion in detail without explaining that most abortions are not that type and that they only happen for second trimester abortions. And also that New York no longer does third trimester abortions except for extreme circumstances. It’s disingenuous and just cements my classmates’ opposition to it. Although she was equally graphic in explaining back alley abortions and that she supports legal abortions to keep women from having back alley ones.

Then there was her conversation about same-sex marriage and how she’s scared for the children because it’s such a confusing time for them and blah blah “it was written that you wouldn’t be able to tell male from female”. It made class very uncomfortable and I feel like she assumes I’m Christian because I did not claim atheism or agnosticism when she asked the class. Whether it’s worth it to find a way to bring up that I’m not is another story. I don’t know.

This afternoon I had this distinct feeling that I should be doing something. It is related to BGF, which is weird, because I almost never have intuitive senses about him, not like this. Usually it’s that something is bothering him, or whathaveyou.

I had a strange dream during my nap. A lot of stuff happened, but near the end I found myself on a stage. I wasn’t alone or anything, and Zolfyer and Sister came to the performance. It was just as much me singing as it was helping with the behind-the-scenes production. I was apparently friends with an actor-dancer, and I was helping with an ice-skating musical. He was telling me about how he used to only dance, then he acted for so long he forgot how, and then he went back to dancing and gained it back, and in fact was better at it once he got back to where he used to be. There was also helping someone get away from a murderous, abusive guy, including consideration of murder to keep him back. Don’t ask me.

But yeah, my day today.

You know, I realize that I’ve been having dreams lately about returning. (Then there was a dream about wishing on a star with Z, asking to be healthy and happy in our relationship and life and then every second after that was people telling us it wasn’t working and I should get a girlfriend. I don’t even, because I’m not the least bit dissatisfied with our relationship) Most especially returning to Christianity. It’s very irritating because I have much different views on that religion now, and I left it for good reasons. It makes me wonder if I need to tell people to stop praying for me, because, although unlikely, I imagine it’s possible for me to get cockblocked by other gods.

Speculation. I dunno.