I don’t know why but I feel unwell. Not physically or anything, emotionally and mentally. Maybe it was from my lack of sleep last night followed by a long first day. And that being on the heels of an emotional weekend? Yeah, totes tired. I went to bed feeling tearful over something I normally only feel disappointed and longing over (ie, not being with my boyfriend for the night). It’s not so much unusual as it means that my brain might be heading for unpleasant territory.

I’m not sure what to make of it. I’m trying not to panic, trying not to worry that Crazy is making her rounds again. I think it says a lot about Boyfriend’s knowledge of me and perceptiveness that he got the feeling something was bothering me over the internet in the midst of silliness. I love him, he puts up with a lot from me and is very supportive of my new religious path. Most importantly he’s supportive of me. Isn’t he awesome?

So yeah, not really feeling too well emotionally. I mean, if I wasn’t feeling like I would cry or something this is pretty close to the calm that allows writing and other creativity without it being frazzled or cheesy or whatever. Of course, it’s not that calm, it’s its depressed cousin. I’ll probably pray and offer before bed and make something for Anpu. I have no idea what, I just feel like He wants something and I feel like it doesn’t really matter what it is, but I’ll make something. Maybe a washcloth and a scarf or something. I said something about it on Twitter and since it attaches to my Facebook, Helms liked the tweet and I commented that Anpu does this to me all the time. Makes a request for *something* but gives no further instruction or sign and that I would feel silly making a washcloth or something. Helms very kindly mentioned that it would be for His daughter. At first I thought he meant Kebechet, but then it occurred to me, no, I’m also Anpu’s daughter. Didn’t really think of it that way, I kind of prevented myself from doing so to avoid Snowflake Syndrome, but it’s cool to think of it that way.

Crocheting does often make me feel better, so even if it’s a little plain, well I made if for Him because I wanted to and He asked for it, and in typical dad fashion He’d give it back. Couldn’t tell you how much stuff I’ve given to my biological dad and my stepdad that ended up back to me, so yeah XD I dunno, I need a hug and something. I wish Boyfriend was here, he’d cuddle with me.


7 thoughts on “Tired

  1. Hey, I’m sorry you’re feeling unwell darling. It could be a multitude of things that’s making you feel unwell and so I won’t dare venture into that realm. Personally I think a cup of hot chocolate and a slice of your mom’s cheesecake would make you feel loads better. I don’t know why, but that just seems like the best comfort food, especially considering her cheesecake is Delicious; note capital “D” 🙂 Anyway, things will get better. The Crazy will go away. She always does. In the meantime though you can always rely on me when you need to. I’m just, hopefully, a speed dial away. Time to stop prattling. I’ll just let you know that I love you and that I’m here when you need me.

    • well that’s why I told you before writing up the blog post. I know you’re there for me, it’s right there in the second paragraph 😛 and I’d love some hot chocolate and cheesecake, and it would be great comfort til all that dairy gave me gas and the sniffles XD now if only sprint would stop fucking up T-T

  2. I don’t know how you view your relationship with Anpu, but He has always been a father figure to me, so I don’t necessarily think being His daughter is out of the norm. We’re His children! 🙂

    • well I don’t know how I view my relationship with Anpu either lol I know I can get a little over excited when I am really into something and I don’t want to push anything on Him. That’s really been the guiding principle I’ve been going off of “breathe, learn, try not to get hyper, repeat”. I’ve always just gone with I’m a puppy following Him around and He lets me in the house XD

      • That makes sense, and is very smart of you. I suppose the feeling I get from my interactions with Him is very much along the lines of a father/child exchange, and like a father, He always knows what’s best for me, even if I don’t know it or like it, haha.

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