Avoiding

I’ll be honest, I’ve been avoiding Anpu. There are a few reasons I haven’t gone to shrine, pretty decent reasons. Not feeling well physically or emotionally, being somewhere that I have no shrine space, and then purity reasons popped up. But honestly, I just haven’t wanted to deal with Him. Right now He’s purposely ignoring certain concerns I have. I keep telling Him that humans cannot work spiritually when their mundane life is uncertain. He refuses to give me any response except “the material future is assured, so focus on the spiritual.” And when I ask how He would like me to go about doing that (because having a direction, a hint, a nudge, an idea, a goal helps me focus and aim and come up with more ideas) He just tells me “be creative”. And I’m just like -_- the fuck do you mean be creative?! “You’re a creative person, be creative.” And He then has the nerve to give me a cheeky grin.

It was pretty similar to this

So yeah, I didn’t feel like dealing with the vagueness. I had schoolwork to focus on and a job that I was finding to be less than stellar. I don’t know if I wrote about it, but I had a job selling Fios, I quit last week. I wasn’t making any sales and was getting physically sick. I can’t imagine what my health would have been if I had worked last week when it was cold and wet out. Not making an ER trip for asthma, nopenopenope. And yet, all I sense is Him waiting around, sitting in a chair, looking at me patiently. The last couple days have been notably clear, especially since I’ve wanted to give Him a good offering as thanks for Zolfyer getting a job. I get the nudge of an “I told you not to worry” as I write that sentence. Yeah, yeah, so you were right >.> Big whoop. As you can tell I’m cranky.

Nonetheless, I shall see what I can do about this focusing on the spiritual thing. I want to start yoga and crochet, though I’ve no idea what I’ll crochet exactly since I’ve already got some handmade decorations on the altar. I don’t want to do too much because it will be just my luck to catch something on fire. Yes, it’s a completely unreasonable fear because I’m very careful with fire and always keep a snuffer and water nearby, but still. I think the crochet itself will be an offering to Aset, the making of things for others. She likes that stuff, and I’ll throw in cleaning and probably cooking too. Writing and yoga are definitely up for Anpu, but I get the feeling He’s about ready to start on that whole healing thing I mentioned to Him a few weeks ago. Considering that very painful situations have been a mysteriously prime topic lately, I would imagine He’s trying to make a point and coax me over. It scares me honestly. I am terrified. At least as much as I am of driving (did I mention I renewed my permit?) Maybe I’ll do violin as well, but I’m not sure. I have to really think about what I would want to do regularly as a way to focus on my spirituality. I may have to read, which is not in itself a bad thing since I love reading, but I am not sure what to read exactly. I know that I’ve wanted to get back into my photography since it’s autumn now, and to get into painting. We shall see.

All in all, I have seen that my gods do not go away just because I ignore them. If anything they get closer, just close enough to make you go O_O >_< and growl. Then laugh at you because your growl is pitiful and unthreatening.

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A Slice of Life

So, Zolfyer has a job now :3 we’re very happy about this. It’s a great job, pays a good starting salary, and there’s movement available within it. It enables us to pay all our bills and save, not to mention he’s been fighting for work for so long that it was really a needed boost to his self-confidence. He starts Monday!

Now, our new concern is our car Bob. He’s been having some issues, concerning noises and such. Since the job is in Jersey and their public trans sucks Z definitely needs a car. Bob has made comparable trips before, Z’s case with SP was a similar distance from his house as this new job, but due to the serious repair Bob needed and damage to the head gasket last month from overheating, well we’re concerned. So far the head gasket hasn’t given us any trouble, it sustained only minor damage (the radiator was what sustained severe damage) and the radiator is now new, but damage only gets worse in cars. If anything happens to that head gasket the car will essentially be totaled, it wouldn’t be worth fixing it in a car as old as Bob. Not to mention there’s still minor lingering damage to the suspension from when we hit a guard rail (don’t ask).

In essence we’re in the market for a newer car. Right now we have to decide what is wiser, to get a newer car asap or wait a while and save up before getting one. We’re pretty sure that Bob probably won’t survive the winter unscathed. He has gone through a winter before (we bought him in February), but he didn’t have arthritis and engine damage either. When it was chilly last week we noticed his engine taking an extra second or two to turn over and the transmission vibrating more even after he warmed up.

Now, lots of cars take a little longer to turn over when it’s cold, and Bob’s transmission has always vibrated noticeably, especially when idling, turning, or in reverse, but not quite like this. Because Z is teaching me how to drive, we’ve noticed the transmission making odd noises, vibrating angrily and the car groaning and complaining a lot more. Why? Well, new drivers move slower, need to correct more mistakes and practice certain skills. That practice: turning, parking, reversing, correcting, all stress the suspension and transmission as you go back and forth from reverse and drive and turn the wheel and such. Well Bob has done his best to be the nicest and most awesome learning car, but he grumps and yells anyway. And I don’t blame him, I hesitate a lot. However, this highlights the true depth of his issues. So we’re looking for something for him to reincarnate in.

The issue is, when should we do it? Z got advice to hold on until Bob actually dies or becomes otherwise undrivable or unreliable, however Z has a three month probationary period, so if Bob fails on the highway, well not only is he stuck on the roadside but he might lose the job. If he lasts through the winter it may still not be good, because it’s doubtless he’ll sustain stress from it. We were considering a compromise, holding on to him and saving up, then I take Bob and Z get a newer car. The reason is I don’t have any out-of-city driving to do and no job now. Even when I get work it’ll be part time since school is my primary focus.

Nonetheless, I am very happy and totally excited about Z’s new job. It is something we, and especially he, really needed. As far as Bob, well I’m sure he’ll tell us when he’s too tired to keep going and we can always keep seeking advice and guidance from multiple sources. We got the chance to get Z new shoes, a new tie and new shirt. I’m happy because he needed those things, he’s not because it’s spending money XD He’s also not happy because he feels like he’s being unfair. He’s worried that he is getting to spend money but I’m not, but this is for things he needs, not things he wants (unlike me, I just want yarn and new crochet hooks). He’ll live, I already know that he likes getting me stuff lol