I used to fly on gossamer wings of ice
Until the sun struck me down.
It cut me open and watched my heart bleed
On the sky, the clouds, the wind.

It wove my life into ruby vines
That touched a golden ocean,
And stained the cerulean fibers
Various shades of purple.

The clouds were dipped into the paint
The paint that was my soul
And now their wispy forms are red and blue
And gold.

I fell to earth and shattered,
My wings of ice destroyed
And everything about me torn out and used as toys.

Brutal god of wonder
Vicious god of light
How cruel you are to rob me of my flight.

Whisper, whisper, as weak as a breeze.

Quiet, quiet, you’re among trees.

Listen, they only talk in a hush,

Listen to them speak in a rush.

Dark amongst them, yet they live in light,

Catch their words as they speak to the night.

Lost, get lost amongst their breath,

Then you’ll never know what happens next.

Death in their leaves, watch them fall apart

as the sky darkens and the warmth departs.

Are we not so much like them?

Can we escape their fate?

Even the evergreens eventually sleep.

Silence, silence as the cold settles in

but you can hear their whispers even then.

Pain, pain as the new growth starts.

Will the warmth return, will the morning star ignite?

Rebirth, they cry, resurrection is here,

hear their hushed and private tears.

A wish, just one, floats on the wind.

The wish, the hope, to live again.

A Short Poem

How could anyone remember
How can anyone forget
What it feels like to burn,
How it feels to disintegrate?

How can you know my pain
How are you aware
Of my endless suffering
And know the pinch of every hair?

Are you listening?
Can you see?
Do you feel?
Can you hear?

Is the pain in my heart too close
Or too near?
Is it far so you understand just with your eyes?
Is it too far for you to despise?

It’s eating my heart,
The flames will consume it
But how could they know?
They only see the reunion
Of acid and earth, whittling away at
Each other.
Murderous friends and blasphemous brothers.

Are you watching?
Can you smell it?
Is it acrid?
Are you jealous?

This poem is unfinished and subject to change

For Aset

Lately my goddess has been feeling neglected, so I shall write to Her.

My Lady, you heard my call and came to me. It must be a full year by now. I still remember that day. I raged in pain and had intended to call someone else. Alas it was your name that left my mouth, and you called back. How could I not appreciate that? You have cradled me while I cried more than once and scolded me when I was being a little shit to others. I reach for you and you are there, even if you’re busy and have to get back to me, I trust you’ll come back. I still do not know why you answered my plaintive cry, but I am forever grateful.

Hail Aset, Queen of Heaven

Praise to the Lady of the Stars.

Dua to She with 1000 Names

Dua to She who knows the ren of Ra.

Hail to the Princess of the Gods,

To She who is Master of Magic

And Songs shall be sung in Her honor

As Her presence heralds the Flood.

Hail to the Goddess of Mothers,

Praise to the Greatest of Wives,

Dua to She who saved her Husband

And conceived Heru, King of Gods.

Sweetest incense in Her honor,

Pleasant drink to sate Her thirst,

Heavenly Food to nourish Her ka

And ma’at to bring Her strength.

Great goddess of Heaven and Earth

Rain blessings down on me,

May I earn your favor

And your trust I never lose.

To all my followers and shadow readers, I sincerely apologize for the lack of posting. I have been dealing with a lot of business IRL as well as general writer’s block. I realize I have a bit of posting to catch up on. E and F for the PBP will be a combined post, I’ll also start working on back posts for the KRT and thinking of topics for G and H for the PBP. I appreciate your patience. Thankfully I’m starting to get my brain back together, as such please enjoy a poem I composed to be part of a new story idea I have. I may share later, but I’m still world-building as it is.

I’ll also make sure to fill out the Prayer and Praise category as well as adding to the Feeling the Music sub-category. We’ll work on that. Thanks guys.

Where are you my love?

Are you walking in the shadows?

I see you, I see you, but only in the moonlight.


Can you feel your silhouette?

Feel yourself as cold as stone?

I will walk with you, you’ll not walk the dark alone.


Your eyes are dead as darkness

were they ever really alive?

I think so, I think so

you simply killed the monster inside.


Crazy it may seem, that you should lose your light

by killing that which makes you seem blacker than the night.

But where is shadow without the dark?

Where will light reach if the place is bare?


Where are you my love?

Are you walking in the shadows?

I see you, let me in,

I’ll darken the nightmare.

Dreams, Music, Plants, and Writing

So, today I got up “early” for Saturday. Ten am basically. This doesn’t seem much of an announcement except for one thing: I’ve been in and out of sleep since five pm Friday evening. I’ve been sleep-deprived all week and the week before, but still, kinda ridiculous even for me. I’m sure I dreamt a lot, but I only remember another scene of cleaning a bathroom that wasn’t mine as if it was mine. In fact, it was the same bathroom as the last dream I posted (did I post it? can’t remember lol) Just in case I didn’t, I’ll hash it out for you.

A few days ago, before I was to go see an apartment with TB, I dreamt about being in an apartment. The main thing I saw was the bathroom. I was cleaning it, which is only unusual if you don’t consider that it’s my favorite room to clean. I will gladly clean a bathroom before I do laundry, just sayin. Now, truth be told the bathroom IRL was due to be cleaned, but it wasn’t Gm’s bathroom in the dream. In fact, it wasn’t anyone’s bathroom that I’ve been in or cleaned. That’s how it started.

There were other people there, in other rooms. I believe they were moving things around. For the most part I was in this bathroom with people coming to the door to ask me questions or show me something. I’m not entirely sure who all was there, but it actually didn’t really matter. I remember seeing only two faces clearly, TB and a woman who I don’t recognize. It could be my mom, but the expression isn’t one she normally gives. Hell, it could be me honestly, I dream a lot in third person. But, that would actually confuse things since I was also talking to this person. I feel like maybe it was part of me or something. I honestly don’t know.

Anyway, lots of stuff that I’m not actually seeing going on, at one point I’m in this hallway looking at TB who is standing by a staircase. The house is dark, there’s only one light on, in the dining room where he’s standing. Everything about this house is dark, the stairs and floor are hardwood, the windows are curtained and the walls are a light color. It’s not gloomy though, I’ve been in several houses with this sort of lighting because of funky window configuration. They’re rarely gloomy, just dim, and there’s always been something ok about it. Comforting and relaxing, though annoying when trying to read. They’re the sort of houses that don’t suffer when there’s a lot of light, be it from lamps or the sun, and don’t shut down into depressing or gloomy when there isn’t.

Either way, TB is standing by these steps and I’m in the living room facing him and talking to him. The house, now that I think of it, does vaguely remind me of two family member’s houses, but that bathroom throws it off, as does the distinct feeling through this dream that it is not anyone’s house except mine and when I say mine I mean belonging to TB and me. There’s no doubt that it was ours, the other people there were of no consequence and were simply helping us get it together and set up to live in. I also had the vague feeling that it was an apartment, which makes me think possibly a duplex or something. I don’t know, I don’t think it matters. He was talking about something that needed to be done, as well as updating me on progress about something else. He was angry, but not at me, apparently there were things that other people were supposed to be handling that they weren’t doing and he couldn’t get them moving.

Nonetheless, that anger was expressing itself in our discussion and we got into a disagreement about how something he was asking of me should be handled. I don’t remember what it was that was so important, it was something that had to do with the bathroom or something of similar importance. It got to the point where he was just like “look, I have other things to handle with this so just please do this for me. I don’t care how it’s done as long as it’s done.” On that we agreed and I went to do whatever it was though the next scene was the bathroom again.

This time though, I had a hand vacuum. Now, I’ve used a vacuum cleaning the bathroom before (I have a lot of hair on my head, which consequently means a lot on the floor, sweeping isn’t exactly the most efficient choice lol) but this was kinda abnormal. I was vacuuming like, a scrub brush (which I don’t use) and like mechanical parts inside the tub. Yup, took a small panel off and some gears and shit out and was vacuuming them. I don’t know for what purpose other than to clean it. Finally it changes one last time, to being in the living room with TB again. This time there’s a black woman I don’t know there, she’s large and wearing brightly colored clothes reminiscent of a daishiki was there. She was pacing back and forth muttering about finding something. She couldn’t find her gift for us and wanted to give us a little money as well. She found the money and gave it to us, saying it was for lunch or breakfast and left. Then I woke up.

Now, I posted this because I dreamt about cleaning that bathroom again this morning, but I don’t remember anything else though I’m sure there’s more. I dunno, it seems whatever that stands for is important in some way. Today was also a day I was thinking about music a lot. My love of it, my favorite ones, how it influences me. My mother doesn’t necessarily care for my music of choice, she thinks many of the songs she’s heard are depressing and has commented before about how the music she listened to when she was young made her feel worse. But of course, where she hears depression I hear liberation. Ask any rock music fan, anyone who listens to Evanescence like I do, Flyleaf, Linkin Park (frequent fliers on my IPod), Lynyrd Skynyrd, KoRn, Nine Inch Nails, Nirvana, I could poll my friends and come up with a massive assortment. They do not hear depression, but release, comfort, understanding. I hear it too, I’ve heard it since high school, tenth grade. When I first heard anything besides suck ass rap and love-saturated R&B, Christian rock and flowing songs, oldies, 80’s and all that jazz it was amazing, beautiful. I never knew such things existed, I’d always been blocked, secretly forbidden, and then a friend came along and had me listen.

Evanescence is my main music drug of choice. Amy’s voice is beautiful, a blasting of emotion into a rough fabric of song, twisting your mind with it until you feel what she feels and it’s like she feels you. Isn’t that how music should be? Some may hear loud noise and incoherent or even destructive lyrics, but no, it’s beautiful, it’s beautiful. This music bangs out the darkness on paper, blares the deepest until the air is saturated with what you feel and what they feel. Almost makes you wish you could write music doesn’t it? Makes you want to reach out and touch those places that bring pain and suffering and relief and release?

Ah look at me waxing poetic. It’s about time, I’ve lost touch with that inner muse that creates poetry. It was my first love in writing you know. The most infamous piece of writing I ever created was called “The World is Like a Cup of Rice”. It was about being poor and rich and different and the same in the world. When I first wrote it some fifteen years ago, someone asked me why the rich people were white rice and the poor people were brown rice. I think, if I recall correctly, that my answer was that both rices are good for you but brown rice was supposed to be a little healthier. I can’t remember if someone said anything about that. I do remember that I lost it a couple days later and was besides myself. It still makes me sad to think of it. I think the gods took it lol I remember that about seven more incarnations came into being because of trying to recapture it. Sure I’d come up with little stories and epic adventures, but they were certainly not written. And they were usually in the context of me and Sister playing games together (ah, Ducks, Chickens, Spiders, Dogs and People XD).

As such, I’ve recently decided that I was going to get back into my writing. Not just my story making, but my poetry. That which connects to the side of me that likes to rhyme and likes to patch words together into beautiful rhythms. The part of my soul and mind that takes the heart of what it sees and tries to weave it into words, tries to capture a hint of what it is and was and wants to be. The part that swims in words and basks in the light of inspiration.

Maybe I could ask my plants for inspiration. Gm bought a new plant today, a big healthy Philodendron that we’ve named Dennis. No, his name will not be Phil, it is too obvious and cliché. I was the one who brought him in the house too. I picked up his bucket and told him “welcome to the house of the plant lovers.” He got nervous as I took him up the front steps, but we passed the front yard plants. Now, I’ll be honest, we don’t tend them like we used to, but we do love them and they often put on a show when I go out to take pictures of how beautiful they are. We still love the plants, even if we don’t get in the garden and play in the dirt with them. I think they gave us good props, because he relaxed when we got in the house. There are more houseplants in there, mainly in the kitchen where I sat him at first while I moved a small table that he’ll sit on.

Dennis is still nervous, he’s in a new house with a dog and a baby and ghosts and other plants and people he’s never seen. The other plants may be nice and tell him good things, but the point remains that he’s still in unfamiliar surroundings. I don’t know how to put him at ease, unfortunately there seems to be very little or very hidden information on working with plants and plant spirits and Overspirits. I also hope to take a piece of him with me when I eventually move out. I think we could get along.

I’m also hoping my other plants will be ok. My basil is suffering this year, but I’m not sure from what, the fact that gnats are pestering it probably isn’t helping. However, my oregano and lavender are doing well. The lavender is still small and probably will be for a while. I’ll likely need bigger pots for all the petite plants, but now I’m just hoping they last through the winter. I want to plant them outside next spring. I also have decided that I want a Venus Fly Trap. Yup, just gonna leave you boggling on that bit of silliness. I plan to get one next spring lol Back to the current houseplants, if I can figure a way to stop the gnats then I’ll bring them all downstairs to hang with Dennis. I think I’ll name the others too, just for kicks XD

Let’s see, Lou and Chassie for the Lavender, Otis and Henrietta for the Basil and Oregano. I find my astral self hearing laughter and snickering XD to be fair, I’d laugh at me too lol

Praise to Ra

Praise to He in the Heavens, the One above us all!

Praise to the Lord of Light, to Him Who Drives out the Darkness!

Is your light not the most beautiful?

Are you not the one called The Most Radiant?

Your light guides all through life

You watch each creature below.

Your power created life’s beautiful glow.

Hail to the One Above!

Your fire purifies and cleanses

the darkness is driven away before you.

How truly glorious you are, oh Creator of the Cosmos.

May your blessings rain down as your light shines brightly

May you rule in Heaven forever!