On Praise and Prayer

These topics continue to be at the forefront of my brain for another week. The lovely Shine keeps patiently reminding me that things don’t have to be perfect or in poem/hymnal/etc format to be pleasing praise and worship to the Netjer. Thing is, I like poetry and writing it for Them. I’ve always liked poetry, it was my first love in writing, but I’ve fallen so far out of practice that it is difficult to write poems now. This distresses me greatly, and even more so because I have such a strong desire to write for my gods and my brain isn’t churning anything out.

At least for the time being while I battle the evil that is Writer’s Block, I have plenty of people giving me suggestions for how I can write for my gods and mildly alleviate the pain of writer’s block. Not only that, but plenty of people on TC gave me good suggestions for prayer. The thing is I’m still finding myself vastly insecure at prayer, especially out loud prayer. I’m not sure why, I never had that problem as a Christian. Maybe it’s cuz they’re actually there and responding and my shyness is getting the better of me. Maybe it’s because I didn’t grow up with the comfort and ease of praying to Them as I did with the Christian god. Who knows.

However! I’ll be taking the ideas I was given to heart, and one of them was writing letters. Now, I’ve written prayer-letters before, both to the Christian god and to my own, however the difference between that and the idea I was given is to read them aloud and even put them in my shrine space like an offering. And honestly, they are a sort of offering aren’t they? Since it’s a good idea and I like writing and it’ll help my brain stop screaming about writing to my Netjer, I’m going to do some of those prayers here on my blog. I’ll create a new category just for that stuff and other praise writings and any particular offering related things. As such, I think I’ll be offering Anpu and Set some dark chocolate, and Lady Aset some good tea with honey.

Speaking of The Lady of 1000 Names, She’s been quiet in the back of my head since I started offering to her. I mean, even quieter than Anpu, and anybody who knows anything about Him knows how quiet He can be. She asked for one thing, clean space and specific tenants of personal cleanliness. I did that (and have to do it again so I can set up some space in my room here at my mother’s house) and haven’t heard from Her since. I know I asked Her to come in, but I guess I expected some talking and instructions especially since I asked for Her for a specific purpose. Nope, radio silence, except for the sense that She’s there, behind Set who has demanded attention in my brainspace this past two weeks and next to Anpu who I feel wants tea. (Did I mention the weird dream that ended with a request for honey from Set? No clue why, but He’s getting honey, so whatev there, He can have it lol).

Maybe She’s waiting for something, but I have this sense that asking directly won’t get me an answer, but I’ll try tonight anyway. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been giving Her a lot of offerings? I don’t know. I heard Aset isn’t fond of junk food and there aren’t (or weren’t) much in the house besides junk food. I always offered my dinner (which is usually healthy) but her brother and friend end up with extra offerings through the day because they like chocolate and such. I don’t want to slight Her, not at all. She’s a magnificent goddess and responded in a time of need and frustration. She was prompt and clear and I imagine that once I figure out how to be Her follower that we will become close and She will be a goddess I can depend on especially when I enter into the realm of wife and mother.

I don’t know here, so if anyone has any insight, please share. As far as the gods go, well I still have no idea what Set has in mind. I’m pretty sure I know what He’s here for (I’ll go through that eventually), but I don’t see what He’s gonna do about it. Unless He’s already doing something about it and I’m just clueless and not looking. However He claimed forefront in my thought processes for the past couple weeks and I think He’s more  satisfied with the attention and the fact that I hopped to it when He asked for something.

Anpu, I’m sure He’s up to something, but He’s quiet and smiling as usual. He hasn’t really asked for anything directly from me, and that’s ok, though I do wonder if there is any particular thing, food, object, or action that He’d like. (I’m asking Sir!) Mayhaps I can ask all of Them to communicate more directly than between dream and wakefulness XD I forget that stuff easily sometimes. Or just more directly in general? I’m kinda blind and overlook stuff often, I mean, it’s been more than once that I’ve completely walked past someone that I’m looking for. Boyfriend can attest to this, especially since it just happened the other day when I apparently looked directly at him but did not see him at all. And I said to him when he complained: “I’m not ignoring you, I never outright ignore you. I didn’t see you, I can’t see you, obviously I couldn’t since I didn’t react to you in any way whatsoever. If I had seen you, even if I was still mad at you (we had had a disagreement), I’d have acknowledged you, said hi, changed my expression, something. You insist you shouldn’t have to do anything, but I’m not going to magically notice you where I didn’t before. If you keep standing still, silent and unmoving, I will never notice you anymore than I initially did. I can’t notice you.”

I think this applies here to my gods. I can’t see you, even if you’re there, in front of my face. I don’t know why, but sometimes my perception fails me, and if you keep standing still, silent, and don’t tap my shoulder or call my name or do something else that will capture my attention, I’ll walk right past you by accident. And then you’ll be mad when I ask where you are. And even name calling may not work, if one perception fails the other could be right behind it, or I’ll hear you and still not see you. Sometimes you’ll need to grab me (cuz walking next to me waiting for me to notice doesn’t work either, I know, Boyfriend tried) especially if I’m wrapped up in my thoughts and music. I’m a real thinky type, I can zone out of life so easily completely wrapped up in thoughts and ideas and visualizations. Grounding myself takes effort and I probably need more practice at that and centering than anything else. It means that I am not always physically aware and making connections between meatspace and thought and spiritspace. Basically, if you set up something for my benefit, I may not know that and realize it, and then you’ll be mad when I ask where you were. It’s nothing personal, I just miss stuff.

But I guess this is why they hit me up in my head, especially through dreams. I’ve long since been a dreamer and someone who pays attention to them. I have wacky dreams, as anyone who knows me well and has read this blog long enough knows. I have never had a dream that was typical or archetypal or common. Ever. And if for no other reason than entertainment I pay attention to them. The fact that I’ve had spiritual dreams in the past only reinforces the need to pay attention to them. As such the only time I’ve directly heard my Netjer’s voices (Set and Aset) and clearly felt their presence (Set and Anpu) was in dreams or between dreaming and wakefulness and once directly after. Who knows, maybe that is their best way to talk with me because my brain is silly or something. Who knows, but I’m glad for that much at least.

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11 thoughts on “On Praise and Prayer

  1. Sekhmet took a really long time to tell me what she was around for and then, she only told me in pieces. She was officially here prior to my acknowledging her, of course, but when she did show up, she was quiet after I began my round of offerings. So, I think what the initial silence (on behalf of my goddess and possibly in regards to Aset) is that they want you to establish the relationship first and then, they’ll get to the nitty-gritty.

    Also, interesting that you wrote about prayers since I’ll be doing likewise in a bit…

      • Mine is kind of rant oriented. I got pissed off when I saw someone going on about praying for good things to take away the bad things and I LOST MY SHIT. So, the post I’m writing should be interesting.

  2. Hello, just found your blog today, Dec. 8th. I admit I’m glad I’m not the only one having trouble!

    I follow Anpu, but it’s very hard for me to recognize he’s around or trying to talk to me without him having to take a clue-by-four and thwacking me upside the head with it (Sorry, Daddy!). I need to work on the listening thing too. ^^; So your not alone there!

    As for the writing stuff, this might not get a two-sided convo going but I love writing letters to Anpu, I got a little journal devoted to it and when I write in it I can usually feel him looking over my shoulder reading everything as I write it. He doesn’t seem to ever answer me with words or actions but it’s worth a try I think, if your more writerly, maybe you’ll get a better connect with him through the letters?

    I’m gonna follow your blog, I hope you don’t mind! You seem interesting and I don’t know many people on a similar path who aren’t way ahead of me in their learning ^^;

    -Storm

    • yeah, now all I need is the discipline to do something like meditation XD I think that would help. It’s nice to meet another Anpu kid though! I have a bunch of journals around cuz I kinda collect them? I dunno, I’m a little strange. However, great idea I think, just another reason to do that stuff. I also get the sense of Him standing over me. I have no idea why I have such a hard time praying, it used to be so easy. I’m slowly getting better though. I’m gonna head over to your blog at some point, I know it’s always nice to find someone who is on a similar path too.

      Speaking of which, you should check out http://thetwistedrope.wordpress.com, http://satsekhem.wordpress.com, http://houseofthelion.wordpress.com, http://iretenra.wordpress.com they’re all blogs I follow of other Kemetics. Now, they’re further along than we are, but they’re nice people and helped me a lot :3 iretenra is an Anpu follower too

      • Ack, mty poor blog X3; it’s more a personal one I think, not much pagan stuff there. I’m thinking one making a new one just for the pagan stuff, just need a name for it >>; you might have better luck finding stuff dealing with Anpu using the tagcloud over there and clicking his name, just an fyi.
        And I know what you mean on the collecting journals thing ^^;; I grab a lot of random notebooks when I get the chance, some are just so pretty! 😮

        THanks for the links! I’ll go check out those blogs now! 😀

      • yeah, all of mine are either pretty or for story writing lol most of the pretty ones are butterflies or flowers cuz I like them 😀 but yeah, those links are the people I talk to for advice and whatnot :3

      • Pretty and storytelling are fun though! 😀

        I checked out the links, One of them I actually used to follow on her older blog. 😮 good to know she’s still blogging.

        anyways, the main point of this reply is to let you know I chose a name for the new blog, and if your interested, here’s the link. http://desertpathway.wordpress.com/

        There’s only one post right now, and it’s still under construction, but yea, I’ll be keeping all my Pagan/Kemetic stuff there from now on. If I knew how to privetly message this to you I would, sorry if it seems like an ad or something ^^;

  3. Pingback: Kemetic Round Table : Ritual Purity « Shadows of the Sun

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