Calm and Collected, but Still a Little Lost

It’s a Feeling the Music Post! I have a playlist of music dedicated to Anpu that I listen to frequently. It’s a collection of music that make me think of Him, though Set has claimed some songs from it. It’s cool, lucky for Him Anpu likes sharing, usually XD I’m not thinking of anything particularly now, and I’m feeling pretty calm and chill, especially since I’ve got the house to myself for the time being. A particular song was playing and it’s just like, for some reason, even though the song is a little sad, it fits. It’s not that I feel sad, it’s that the lyrics are a little…strange. They are not quite lamenting and not quite self-encouraging. Listen to the song and see.

I’ve never found the song to be negative. What does it evoke in you?

Pagan Blog Project- D is for Daily not Dilly-Dally

I know I’m late and haven’t done a C post yet, but C is fighting me, so I’m gonna ignore it and then go back and beat it into submission.

So yesterday I baked bread for the first time. No one in my family makes bread from scratch, by hand, despite just about all the women being prolific bakers. I prefer cooking over baking, so I figured I’d get into the family hobby with something practical, especially since I’m not yet brave enough to start experimenting with recipes from cookbooks. Before you ask about that I’ll mention it when I beat C into submission.

This is the Result of that endeavor

This is the Result of that endeavor

I think I did ok for it being my first ever bread (or baking completely unsupervised). I had a lot of fun with it, especially the kneading and such, though I’ll admit that takes a lot of work. Talk about arm strength, it looks easy but it’s so not. What’s the point of me talking about this? I’m getting to that. You see, ever since I became a Kemetic I’ve wanted to make bread, after all it’s a common staple of Ancient Egyptian offerings to the Netjer. It was seen as an epitome of collaboration between man and Deity. Netjer makes everything needed for the bread: water because it’s frigging water, grain, cows (for milk and butter), grass for the cows, soil to grow everything in, more water for growing, sunlight, fire; then humans take over and take those things to transform it into sustenance and offer the creation back to the Netjer. And we all know AE was all about cycles and balance. Bread is the shiznit ya know?

Now, I never actually baked anything for the Jackal and Sir Chaos-a-lot, but I have cooked for them and bought things they like. Then there is Aset. She came along in response to be going “omg I’m falling apart and I suck at being a girlfriend help!” And She did, which makes me happy, because I like Her presence. She and Set don’t fight over my head either lol Speaking of the Storm God I have honey now and that’s His little personal request, should get on that. Aset hasn’t really asked for much from me, keep my room clean is really the main thing, something I’m gonna do today because it needs to be done badly and it’s annoying me by being disorganized. Oh, I’m off topic, back to baking.

I’ve wanted to bake bread in Aset’s honor for a while since She joined the Panel O Gods. I hadn’t done it, in fact I hadn’t baked anything for Her at all. I’ve cooked a few dishes in Her honor, but I feel like She’s more concerned about the baking and the caretaking role that cooking symbolizes along with other things like cleaning unbidden and whatnot. I’m still working on that, I kind of clean spontaneously on my own, meaning that there could be weeks that things go uncleaned. What ultimately prompted the baking last night was a combination of wanting to introduce myself to Ganesha (that’s a story for another time) and to finally do something solely in Aset’s honor and with Her in mind.

And I did it, I made bread, even if it is misshapen and more cake-density than bread-density. And too small for sandwiches. But I did it! And it tastes delicious, and Aset and Anpu were proud of me and Set told me not to take His rolling laughter personally XD I’m going to try again tonight after I clean my room and the kitchen. I have to say that I’m glad I didn’t use my mom’s bread machine. There is something awesome about having to get all the ingredients and then mix them, then there’s the kneading and the beating and finally the oven. I like making things with my hands even though I don’t do it nearly enough. Even with baking sweets you don’t really get your hands as worked and dirty as with bread.

Now, to the point of the post, which was not bread (I’ll admit I want to get more praise for the attempt XD). Besides wanting to improve my relationship and closeness and ability to hear my deities, I want this to be more than just a spirituality. I do actually like ritual and structure, which is why I’m so upset that no one has more songs out for the Netjer, especially MY Netjer. I like singing and have managed to modify a couple songs from my Christian days for when I’m really like omg needs to sing nao. This baking of bread is something I want to do regularly, especially since I live in a house of bread lovers lol

But, this was also an attempt to start me on a path to daily devotions. I haven’t been doing daily devotions at all, they’ve been highly sporadic. The fact my lighter just died, I need new candles and I can’t find my other ones is just saying I need to be paying more attention. I’d like to spend a little money getting some incense and a holder for it. I like incense and I’m at my mom’s and don’t have to share a room so there’s really no excuse. Besides it’s not like I don’t know how to do mini devotions while I’m elsewhere in the universe. Not just that, but my deities deserve at least consistency from me. It’s not difficult to offer a little water at night in a corner or something. I will admit that it’s quite a bit of laziness as well as a hangup over not having something a little more proper for an altar.

This is one of those times however, where “I’ll try harder” is not enough. I need a clear and determined resolution to persevere and do devotions at least once a day no matter how tired or lazy I’m feeling or how little I have. Trying gets nothing, it’s a matter of doing. I feel like I made an ok start since I sat my ass down and did devotion last night even though I was tired and it was 1 am and I had to get up six hours from then. I feel like it was appreciated and I got a Holy Hug, which was great because I wasn’t feeling well emotionally last night when I went to pray.

I feel a little bad because I didn’t go to shrine this morning when Anpu asked me to sit in since I was too tired to get up and shower. (Yeah, some mornings I don’t shower, so sue me). It took a lot of strength to get up just to go to work, which was pointless btw since my client didn’t show. I don’t think He was angry about it, I think He was trying to give me the chance to get some Holy Hugs before work. I will be making an appearance at shrine tonight too, especially since it’s Friday I really have no reason not to. I’m going to have to take a good look at my schedule and make some decisions about things and how to discipline myself, especially about going upstairs at night. I’m a night owl and insomniac so sometimes I truly have to will myself to bed even if I’m thoroughly exhausted and that often interferes with devotions at night or any chance of them in the morning. I get the feeling that Anpu may want both morning and evening shrine time. It’s just my intuition because He hasn’t said so or given a reason He might, but I’ll have to plot that out, especially since I’m not a morning person.

Thankfully I have a patient god and goddess and Set hasn’t decided to sock me yet so yeah, we’ll see. Mayhaps I can get Iretenra over at Black Fur, Black Wing to help bug me. And there’s always Shine over at Per Ma: House of the Lion (they’re both so wonderfully nice). Hopefully they’ll have some ideas for how they keep up with the daily thing, even when every fiber is straining for the sheets instead. Maybe my stepdad has a drill so I can put these shelves on the wall so I’ll feel less poor in front of a trunk lol XD (maybe I’ll get a doorknob!).

Hopefully this baking and breaking of bread will lead to better things and daily things. I want to be close to my deities and I believe in myself.

It’s a Feeling the Music post

I’m gonna add a new category of posts. When I can’t or don’t feel like writing what’s really bothering me because I would rather talk about it or don’t have the words for it or too angry/upset or whatever I’m gonna grab music and post them. Lyrics and videos (or videos with lyrics) and maybe some keywords or something. Here’s my first post of my new category: Feeling the Music

Keywords: rage, parents, frustration, venting, feeling disrespect

Breaking Away From Modern Feminism

Now, when I say “Chivalry” I don’t mean the ancient Arthurian concept. I’m not talking about men wearing their lady’s colours into battle, or tying favours to the end of their lances while they jousted.

I’m talking of a more, courteous nature.

What happened to opening doors for a woman? What happened to paying for dinner? What happened to holding a woman’s seat for her as she sat down? Or standing up when she leaves/arrives at the table? Hell, even giving a woman your coat when she is cold is looked upon with scorn.

When did it become against the dating rules to do anything like that for a woman?

As a thirty year old female, I can tell you it started before I became of dating age. Rarely, if ever, has a guy opened the car door for me, opened the restaurant door for me, or even waited for…

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