Kali

I see you standing there
Grinning ear to ear.
Fangs out
Sword drawn
Demon head in hand.
What have I to fear?
You aren’t here for me
Not to destroy me
Or harm me.
No, just to cut down my enemies
Obstacles, fears
Wipe away my tears.
When I’m ready
Will I ever be?
I’ve been courted before,
You’re not the first
Or perhaps you were
And I ran
as a child runs from their mother
when it’s time for bed.
I know the feeling
my own daughter flees
Cries and stomps her tiny little feet,
Waves her tiny fists, and screeches,
As if to say “how could you? I’m not ready!”
Sometimes I let her run around
Just a little longer
Or give her a toy or game to play with in bed.
But eventually, it doesn’t matter,
it’s time for bed
for a bath,
it’s even more important when she’s unwell.
So I see you there.
I’m almost ready.

MoWD-Light

I cannot feel your light.

Your burning cinders,

Your burnished bronze,

Your rich indigo,

Both chilled and warm,

Shudder-inducing in its frosty breeze,

Soothing and enveloping in its heat.

None of the excitement of late autumn,

Nor the relaxing of mid spring.

Though your light paints the horizon

Every dawn and dusk,

I cannot touch you in it.

I cannot feel you breathing into me.

I feel a whole lot of nothing

Though I see you daily.

I feel a little of everything

Trying to reach you.

Where are you?

MoWD-Beginning and Forgiveness

I’ve talked about my beginning with Anpu many times. In fact, I’ve referenced it just in this project lol I’m not really sure what else to say. He lets me pester him, and he rarely gets enraged at my fickle nature. I imagine he is aware that my behavior is primarily a function of intense anxiety, depression and paranoia. There’s a lot of forgiveness inherent in our relationship. I don’t know why, I’m just glad it’s there, otherwise I’d have needed a new god a long time ago. Perhaps this is why I’ve still stuck with him despite how often I talk about reaching out to a different god or something. In the end, I need that calm, that forgiveness. The necessary quiet and control required to hear him is difficult for me to achieve, but that is something I need to learn. I do wonder when he’ll push me along though, but I’m hardly in a rush, though I probably should be. Who knows.

MoWD- Together

Together we dance, like a parent and child

I stomp my feet, and walk on your toes

You wait patiently as I try to keep up.

I’m terrible at it, pushing and pulling,

swinging and shouting.

Impatient, despite the music being slow.

You’re willing to hold me,

but I want to dance by myself.

So I twirl in circles, and fall to the ground

dizzy and laughing.

I do it again, and then I fall down

crying because I feel sick.

You wait patiently while I try to keep up.

Sometimes you pick me up,

but very often you wait.

Wait for me to call you, in my infinite stubbornness.

Wait for me to ask you, in my infinite hardheadedness.

Sometimes I stick my fingers in my ears,

playing that catchy song, not realizing you could punish me.

Insolent child, patient father.

Sometimes you’re not close enough

and other times, I’m so busy crying I cannot hear you.

Sometimes you just wait until I calm down.

And you are there, when I turn around

Ready to dance again.

MoWD-How?

It was easy for me. I was the most familiar with Anubis, and I had always thought it exceedingly cool that he was a jackal. I love canids of all kinds, and what I knew of Egypt was great as well. Then I found out people did this “worship the Egyptian gods” thing, and that I really jived with the religion.

Naturally I started pestering The Jackal.

He didn’t turn me away, though he didn’t exactly answer at first either. He’s been incredibly forgiving, since I am both very impatient and very timid at the same time. I can’t imagine how much of a headache I’ve been for Him. Even when I was writing those posts last week about not calling myself Kemetic anymore, I knew I wasn’t really going anywhere. He has never told me get out, and I don’t plan to. Even though sometimes I feel like I should. I just need to stir things up, and will still be doing research and perhaps reaching out to other netjer. I love this religion too much, I grok it too well. It simply works for me, I just have to find things to do to occupy my time (goodness gracious my brain wants to be kept busy so badly) and have a focus.

In other words, I don’t know what I want, but this god is willing to put up with my flailing and running around like a headless chicken. Honestly if I learned to sit the fuck down and be quiet for a minute I’d probably have less problems! Perhaps this is why even the louder gods chuckle and turn me right back around. “Oh look, one of Anubis’ anxious kiddies”.

I was a huge dork though, I’ll be honest. I really did reach out because he was a jackal, and he was decently familiar, but mostly his jackalness.

MoWD-Who?

Who would have thought, that little me would find You?

That I could reach out, in childishness and excitement,

To find Someone there?

You hear me, You see me, silent and salient.

Ah, the pain of your quietude, how it frightens my noisy mind.

But You are there, You are there, even when I can’t feel You.

The gentlest touch, the sternest expression.

Is that why they call you Strong of Face?

Despite my protests, You return.

Even when I transgress, You don’t turn me away.

Though I am fickle, You do not bite.

Is this why they call you Lord of Ma’at?

I shudder in delight at Your grace, Lord of Knives.

The sunrise hails you, Lord of Heaven.

The sunset praises you, Lord of Light.

Here I am, calling Your names.

Here I am, praising your horizon.

I am here, at your altar.

Never stop forgiving me

Your idiot daughter.

Month of Written Devotion

So, The Jackal’s Dance’s post reminded me that this was happening. I’ll be participating, although I’ve had a lot going on today so I’m going to post today’s and tomorrow’s tomorrow. Here’s the link for myself and anyone who wants to participate as well. Today is a sort of welcome post, the prompt is

  1. Who? – Deity, spirit or chosen devotion for the month

Tomorrow is

  1. How? – How did you become involved with your devotional topic?

 

Sunrise Praise

Dua Anubis, Lord of Light, who flings open the gates of the Duat.
You make way for the Sun God, refreshed by Nut, who rises in the East.
Lord of Heaven, you paint the sky a sweet hue
Of orange and yellow and blue.
You draw up the barque, and pull it across the threshold of the cosmos.
You craft the horizon as a door, worked carefully and detailed
To celebrate Ra’s return to the living.
God of duality, Jackal of Life and Death,
How beautiful is your work?
It praises you for creating it, as it praises the Sun for illuminating it.
Dua Strong One!

A Praise and a Prayer

Praise to the Lord of Heaven, who walks between the veil.
Sweet hymns to the Lord of the Two Lands,
The Lord of the Pavilion.
Joy, joy, to He Who is Upon His Mountain
And cool water to the Jackal, who prowls the desert.

He Who is Lord of Ma’at,
Lord of Hearts, the Powerful Face,
Turn your pure heart to me.
He Who Gives Air in the Coffin turn your blessing upon me.
Let me never be against thee, He Who Defeats His Enemies.
I am forever under your protection, Lord of the West.

Turn isfet from me, Mightiest of the Gods
Banish the Demon Snake from my heart.
He Whose Body is Hidden by the Awesomeness of Sekhmet,
Chief of the Butchery, protect my life as you would your father.

Bless me, for I am your daughter.
Watch over me for I am your child.
Protect me as my life is your life,
As my body is your body.

Praise to your strength, Lord of the Desert!
Feasts are made for the Lord of Life!
For you are the Immense Strength
And the Jackal Who is Quick in His Motions.

Pleasant scents are burned in your honor, Chief of the West
And fresh flowers are cut to please you.
I can sing your praises for days, Lord of the Divine Booth
And never run out of things to say.

Who can say anything against you Lord?
For you are Lord of the Sacred Land
in All Its Beautiful and Pure Places.
You are the Divine Falcon and Magnificent Jackal.

Praise, praise, to Anubis.

(Many thanks to the Beautiful Daughter of Jackals, Bezenwepwy, creator of http://www.per-sabu.org without her work and dedication I wouldn’t know half the epithets used in my writing above.)

For Aset

Lately my goddess has been feeling neglected, so I shall write to Her.

My Lady, you heard my call and came to me. It must be a full year by now. I still remember that day. I raged in pain and had intended to call someone else. Alas it was your name that left my mouth, and you called back. How could I not appreciate that? You have cradled me while I cried more than once and scolded me when I was being a little shit to others. I reach for you and you are there, even if you’re busy and have to get back to me, I trust you’ll come back. I still do not know why you answered my plaintive cry, but I am forever grateful.

Hail Aset, Queen of Heaven

Praise to the Lady of the Stars.

Dua to She with 1000 Names

Dua to She who knows the ren of Ra.

Hail to the Princess of the Gods,

To She who is Master of Magic

And Songs shall be sung in Her honor

As Her presence heralds the Flood.

Hail to the Goddess of Mothers,

Praise to the Greatest of Wives,

Dua to She who saved her Husband

And conceived Heru, King of Gods.

Sweetest incense in Her honor,

Pleasant drink to sate Her thirst,

Heavenly Food to nourish Her ka

And ma’at to bring Her strength.

Great goddess of Heaven and Earth

Rain blessings down on me,

May I earn your favor

And your trust I never lose.