Whisper, whisper, as weak as a breeze.

Quiet, quiet, you’re among trees.

Listen, they only talk in a hush,

Listen to them speak in a rush.

Dark amongst them, yet they live in light,

Catch their words as they speak to the night.

Lost, get lost amongst their breath,

Then you’ll never know what happens next.

Death in their leaves, watch them fall apart

as the sky darkens and the warmth departs.

Are we not so much like them?

Can we escape their fate?

Even the evergreens eventually sleep.

Silence, silence as the cold settles in

but you can hear their whispers even then.

Pain, pain as the new growth starts.

Will the warmth return, will the morning star ignite?

Rebirth, they cry, resurrection is here,

hear their hushed and private tears.

A wish, just one, floats on the wind.

The wish, the hope, to live again.

Preparing for Writing

I decided I was going to try and take part in NaNoWriMo this year. So far it isn’t going excellent, but I did get something done today. Introspection. I have a book, Writing Begins with the Breath by Laraine Herring. It has exercises in it and, on top of just freewriting, I also did a particular exercise. I don’t mind sharing, because perhaps it’ll make others struggling to find their way feel better because they aren’t alone.

I don’t know if I can do this. NaNoWriMo is a big deal, it’s fifty thousand words. How could I possibly fill that many words and make them mean something? How can I create something that soothes my soul? I don’t even know what my soul wants, what it needs. I know that my god and goddess make me feel heard by the universe. I know they respond and care about me. I know that [Zolfyer] is someone I love deeply. He makes me feel safe and protected, from the world and myself. I trust him to look after me and give me love. I know I want a child, so strongly that it’s nearly desperate. I don’t know why I wish for that so incredibly, even as I find myself terrified of being responsible for another life. I know I love plants. They are quiet and soft, steady and strong. Their spirits are easy to connect to, and they make me feel alive. I can learn a lot from them and they quiet and steady me. I know I love animals and wish so often to be a wolf. They are beautiful animals, they love their pack and care for each other. Strong, quiet, soft. They suffer from harsh weather and the simplicity of fighting for your food. And yet, and yet I wish to be one. Patience. Cooperation. I love the night, the moon calls to me as a light calls a moth. It is the eye of my god watching me at times, and others it is a guiding light. One that soothes and reaches out. I love the setting sun and the dawn. The between, the horizon. A blazing death of the sun, shattering the skies with its power and gorgeousness, a cool birth that gains strength. Fall and spring, the very air is charged with a certain energy. Nature holds its breath, the in between curls around me. The cool air is safe and inviting, the plants preparing for death and sleep, the whole world preparing for it. The power of their spirits returning in spring, growing and spreading, reaching out to me. Trees whisper to wake each other.

Writing begins with this breath. The breath of change, the sigh of sleep, of release. The yawn of waking, of growing. The breath of the wind, the breath of nature, as it shifts, as it moves, as it cools and as it warms, the touch of rain, the wash of water, the heat of the sun. Ah, this is where writing begins. Everywhere around me it breathes, it searches, it stretches. It soothes.

Is this why I reach for my camera in spring and fall? Why I watch the blossoms grow and shift, why I love the black and white? How I miss taking pictures.

I’m finally going to do these exercises for this book. Here’s the first one.

When I am at a crossroads I…
stall. I run away or stand there as long as I possibly can doing nothing. I’ve no confidence in my ability to make decisions for myself, especially if they are important. Why should I be? They are often belittled or overridden, or both. Crossroads are scary places for me, because they are lined with those who question me so much that I cannot be certain of myself or their paths. These same people also have so many ideas, thoughts and suggestions (though they can often be called commands and instructions) that I have too much information and too many options. Then I am questioned more, interrogated even, and my confidence and willingness to cooperate is shot even more. When I finally make a decision, if it’s possible, it is still hounded and I am plagued with uncertainty and regret over whether I made the best decision. Either that or the decision is overturned and I am forced the way someone else thinks is the best way, if I’m given the ability to decide on my own in the first place. It is…counterproductive. I am not capable of relying on my own intuition and wisdom. I am not often given the benefit of the doubt as to whether I am able to make the appropriate decision for myself, on my own. I have been told that I am incompetent and unreliable, I am still told regularly that I am not an adult. I still have no respect. I am lost and stuck at crossroads, frozen and panic-stricken, heckled and doubted.

Change means…
loss. Initially I was going to go with the classic “fear”, but loss is what came out. Change is loss, you are losing the old for the new. You are leaving behind the security of the known for the unknown. Change is panic, change is annoying. Change is refreshing, yet it does not refresh. It is a way to move things along. The irony is that change may not purge stagnation, and even when it does, you may be so plagued by stress and aggravation that you feel no relief, even if it’s what you wanted. I have had many things in my life change, not all of them for the better, as all people experience. Recently I experienced change in the form of a new goddess. The Queen of Light and Dark, Persephone. She requested to work with me and Anpu and Aset agreed. They are even enthusiastic about Persephone’s presence. They think it is a good change of pace. She does not seem like one who will cause me undue duress, and has already reached out to me. How can I turn them down, when they all are so excited to help me? Yet, I still have no idea what She wants.

Fear means…
itself. I honestly do not know what to think about this. Fear is itself, it reaches into every corner of life to warn you, to hold you back. Sometimes it is unnecessary and unwelcome, but fear always has a purpose. It is always warning you of something, whether that be undesired revelations or the contents of the creepy closet. Fear is a catalyst, it will either hamper you or inspire you. Can you push past the barrier of fear to write? Can you understand why you’re afraid of what you write, and what you want to write? How can you use that fear to help you, to push you forward? Fear always reveals something; it reveals what you want, what you don’t want, what you hide and why. I hide from those who know me, for I fear they will read it and be angry or dismissive. “You’re not depressed, it is just being a teenager.” You’re not an adult until I say you are. You know nothing of that. You are liar, arrogance, selfishness. When you are told such things you begin to fear your perspective, your sanity, your mind and opinion. You begin fearing whether you are capable of truth and of knowledge. Can I be wise? Can I tell truth? Can my writing show selflessness and humility, while being true to myself and perspective? Is my mind valid?

Risk means…
Change and Terror. Panic, but a potentially worthy pursuit. Risk is exposure, it is weeping. You tear down your walls and put yourself out there, inviting the world to look at your wounds and scars. Will they see what you hope for, or what you always feared? Is risk worth it? You open yourself to criticism, to misunderstanding. You expose yourself to abuse and name-calling. Are you brave enough? Are you strong enough? Risk is gathering your strength, your hope, your trust and placing it on the block. Will you be lauded or crucified? Lynched or paraded? Will others see your truths, will they be helped or harmed? Who knows, but everywhere there is risk. You risk your life in so many ways every day. You risk your sanity, your health, all the time. Here, there be demons.

Recent Life

Zolfyer says I don’t write enough about “normal” stuff (ie him, but he’s just being spoiled lol) so here I am! Currently our life is all over the place. Two weeks ago we went on a great vacation with our friends to the Pocono Mountains here in PA. We were out near the tiny town of Tioga (it is worth noting that there is a Tioga town, county and a Tioga neighborhood in Philly, we were in the second). It was really fun and much too short. We spent an entire day hiking by accident, we left the house at 2:30 and got back at 7 and that was after incurring a ride from a very nice gentlemen.

The hike started out going down the ridgeline behind the house to follow the creek up into the valley and after a couple miles of enjoying the water and rocks and forest our path became blocked by several fallen trees that would be unsafe to climb. I’ve rarely been so attuned to the feelings of flora before. I love plants and generally take the time to pay attention to their energy and what they are saying to my intuition, but usually it’s still a bit unsure and blurry, but not out there. It was extremely refreshing as well, the air was clear and smooth and chilled. I was worried that the exertion would set off my asthma, but it only got upset later in the hike after we were all tired and experiencing stress. But yeah, trees and cool air.

When we got blocked up by fallen trees we decided to climb the steep ridgeline because we were fairly certain that the field we could see was a landmark. It was not extremely challenging but it wasn’t easy either. We all ended up using a tree to help us get up because its roots were strong and stretched down the steepest part of the path. Grabbing that tree root was a little startling. I’ve rarely had such a clear communication from a plant, a sensation of “hold here, I’ll help, grab me, like your friends.” It was fairly baffling but very nice. Probably the nicest tree I’ve met so far. After climbing the ridge was when things started to become a little confusing.

We didn’t walk through the field because it was someone’s property, a cornfield still growing, but we walked along it. At a certain point the path naturally moved away from the creek and the ridgeline and we walked through brambles and berry plants. Those guys had thorns and they tried to bite me, probably for wishing that I could eat their berries safely. Nothing but crotchety plants from there on out. We ended up coming upon a meadow and it was amazing. I’ve never seen a meadow in real life, and the plants were so tall that we couldn’t reasonably cross through it. Going around it wasn’t easy, there wasn’t much of a path so it was rough going through the trees and such on the embankment around the meadow. Eventually we saw the creek again but the ridgeline was far too steep for us to safely climb down, so we did our best to skirt the meadow’s edge. Eventually we heard the sound of cars, which meant a road and went in that direction. Of course that meant walking through the meadow.

Now, the meadow was a little tamer where we were, but it still took us like thirty minutes to fight through the plants because they were still quite tall and very densely packed. Zolfyer has pictures on his blog of the meadow and in the meadow when we were halfway through it. On the other side of the meadow was more forest that was not easy to traverse. Low-hanging, sprawling branches and roots that can trip and twist ankles made it slow going to move safely. Two of us tripped and a lot of the branches were smacking and catching and slapping. We were still having fun, but it was still a bit frustrating and annoying. My friend and I are also fairly certain we walked through a faerie door. There were two trees making an amazingly perfect arch, like a church door and we walked in between it. When I walked through I had the matter of fact thought that I was pretty sure I walked through a faerie door.

We got a bit turned around after that, even seeing the meadow again. Eventually we made our way to a cornfield and we chose that direction based on the fact that we could see houses and telephone poles in the direction, meaning civilization and a road. Even the cornfield was a bit annoying. We had to follow a tractor trail in order to not walk through the actual corn and eventually made our way to the road. Then we had no idea which way down the road to go. Later we would find out which way was best and exactly how far we had gone. We had walked miles and all the way up the mountain and to the other side. It was spectacular and impressive just how far we’d walked. We were sore for the next three days lol Trying to figure out the direction for the road was when it stopped being fun. Only three people paid any attention to us calling out for help and direction and we don’t think they really knew what we were asking them to clarify. We ended up walking two miles the wrong direction and when we tried knocking on a few doors for help we were completely ignored. One woman even came out of her house and saw and heard us, but just called her dog back in and left us high and dry.

Eventually we managed to figure out on our own that we should probably go back and by then we were unhappy and tired, but an older gentlemen was outside as we made our way back and was able to help us. He gave us a ride too and we went to bed pretty early that night. It was fun and frustrating.

The rest of our week went pretty smoothly. I cooked some kickass mac and cheese, we made strawberry mojitos and had great fun with fire. We were kinda commanded by our friend’s parents to burn firewood and by proxy make smores. The smores were especially delicious with dark chocolate. We also watched Rock of Ages three times, all three tipsy or half drunk. All of us grew up on 80’s music so we sang loud and happily to the movie and enjoyed each other’s company. We also had a “gamer day” where we all sat around playing our video games in the same room. Overall it was very relaxing.

Well, except for the part where our car’s radiator blew up at the bottom of an exit ramp. Not literally of course, but there was a huge crack in it and the engine died from extreme overheating. Our friend ended up having to cover us for a nearly 500$ repair. Thank the gods that the headgasket didn’t go, otherwise the car would’ve essentially been totaled. Bob is 14 and a discontinued line at that, fixing the headgasket would’ve been more than his value. He’s doing alright now, so here’s hoping he continues doing alright until we can afford to fix him more or reincarnate him.

Set in My Dreams

Last night I had a very interesting dream. It started out with crocodiles and experiments that I and my two friends (I don’t know who they were, I feel like they were common characters from my writing) were running. I remember it being in a warehouse, and we had two of them, a huge male and a smaller female. I remember the large male being tied up and suspended from the ceiling above the massive pool we were observing the female in. I have no idea what we were doing but it wasn’t hurting them, they were just scared.

Eventually the female gets loose and we have to go chasing after her into the large field/heath/place around the warehouse. And we come across this massive snow and rock monster instead. It was a danger to us and our crocodile, so we started fighting it. At some point we were trying to figure out a way to defeat it because our weapons weren’t really working. Somehow the word “navel” came up and I was like what?! All I could think of was belly buttons and of course that makes no sense. Then a smaller tree monster came by and watched us and then wrote/chiseled the word on a rock.

The female friend started saying that must be the clue, because the tree monster had seen us and came over to help and to soothe us. I have to point out that soothe was the specific word used here and it was important. “He came by to be helpful and soothing, so he gave us the answer on the rock.” The male friend and I pondered this clue. Navel in reference to belly button couldn’t be correct, that left the fruit. And we asked.

“Do you mean the fruit? Like the orange?”

“What about apples?” (Don’t ask me why, that was the question the friend asked)

Apples are fine, but navels are best. (I have no idea, it wasn’t a voice per se, it may have been the friend, but I don’t think so).

“DO YOU MEAN THE FRUIT?”

Apples are fine, but navels are best.

“I’m gonna assume the orange then.”

Whatever, we got an answer, but how was fruit gonna help us defeat an ice monster? Then all of the sudden we were in my grandmother’s dining room like something straight out of Rugrats. Either way the ice monster was still there, sitting in a chair on the other side of the table. I know the female friend was gone at this point. But, the next thing I had in my mind was to find a blog post. A post about Set, that wasn’t written by me but referenced a post of mine, was the important thing that would lead to the defeat of the monster. This blog post was “mentioned” while we were fighting the creature in the field as well, but the fruit thing kinda took over.

However, we still trying to figure out how to get away from the monster to get to my Kindle so I could find the blog post. Whatever it said I knew it was about Set and His personality and interacting with Him. I feel like He was there, in the dining room, watching me. Something about make a distraction, but I was like how? I have no fruit and just rocks and a gun that I know doesn’t work. Try. So I threw a stone and when that didn’t work my friend and I shot at it, causing it to flinch and I made a break for it.

I found the blog post and there was a comment on my piece of post quoted in the one I was reading. It was basically “OH GODS…THE JACKALS…AND SET! OH GODS SET! SUCH TROLLS” There was other stuff there in the comment, but it wasn’t in caps and I couldn’t read it. Whatever right? But then my mom’s alarm went off, waking me up partially.

I roll over and go back to sleep and now I see a statue of Set that I had seen in a store earlier in the day. It was so clear and obvious and I stared at it for a while. Then I was in the room where my plants are at my grandmother’s house and I was breaking up the soil my oregano was in. Now, I’ve meant to do this for a while because it’s compacted and not absorbing water very well, but I’m also profoundly worried that I’ll damage the roots and hurt it, even if I’m careful. But in the dream I’m doing just that, breaking it apart extremely carefully because I don’t want to kill it.

Next was some weird fuzziness and I asked “you make it seem like that plant and honey are so important.” Now, the plant actually had a name (and a picture!) but I started thinking about the honey and libating it and what kind, but as a result I lost the name of the plant which made me upset. I was wracking my brain over it until a voice told me to quit it because it wasn’t that deep. So, I went with mint because of the image in my head of the plant, but I’m still him-hawing over it. Either way I offered tea with honey and He said no, the honey is more important and should be separate, but tea was fine too.

I also had the thought that I was being trolled, LITERALLY from the monsters. But, I seem to have gotten some ideas here about things to offer to Set. All I know from this dream is navel oranges are best, apples are ok, there’s a plant that means something but isn’t life changingly important and honey is an important offering. Can anyone tell me if honey or mint or similar plants are historical offerings or should I just be UPG LET”S GO?

Health

So, these last two weeks have been one of health. Physical health mostly, but mental health as well. My Crazy showed up and was a major factor in a big fight between me and TB, which has since been resolved. However, Crazy also contributed to me exploding at Anpu and Set. I really got upset with Them because I feel like my life is just one big ball of chaos and isfet and I don’t feel helped in any way. I was frustrated to the max and honestly I still am. Like I just always have something getting in the way or coming up right when  I think I’m on the way to my goals. Like moving out with TB. We’ve had to officially move our move out date back because the most affordable place requires him to have a job even though we can afford it just on my paycheck. Our friend backed out again and now it’s just a mess again. We’re managing to hold on to what little money we have, but all we need is something serious and our savings will get wiped again.

Then, my asthma flares. Yup, the lungs that’ve been pretty calm for months decided that they weren’t happy anymore. Meanwhile I’m still between doctors and running out of medicine for my nebulizer. Not that it’s solving the problem, as anyone with moderate to severe asthma knows. Did I mention that the prescription for the nebby medicine expired about five days ago? Yeah, it’s like that >.> I started a thread on The Cauldron and was happy to find another person who knew exactly what I was feeling and talking about. The fear and frustration when your lungs just hate everything about you, the anxiety and pain of an attack, the annoyance of doctor and medicine navigation, the frustration of people who aren’t exactly as supportive and compassionate as you need. It’s nice having someone else who is up at 3 am using their medicine because they can’t breathe enough to fucking sleep.

Today was better than the last two weeks have been. I’ll admit, it was too dry for it to be a perfect lung day, but it was still lung approved and that was nice. I’ll have to remember to bring water with me tomorrow, especially since the bus stop was dusty. I also have to look into HEPA filters now, because that would really help my case. The environmental allergies I have include dust, smoke and pollen as well as mold. I often have an asthma attack after cleaning my room, because dust is that big of a deal, and I live with a smoker. I could at least use one for my room, however, they’re all pretty expensive and some of them are really big. So if you’re reading this and have any suggestions please offer them up.

The kids at work are at least mostly well behaved and make me feel cheerful. Kinda hard to be mad at life when a kid says “Ms Rachael I’m making a blue ice cream man! :D”. And then follow it up with “snowflakes” and “hourglasses”. Yes the kids have given me such things, I keep them in my purse lol

A couple days ago I had a dream I can’t remember. I only know that there was a scene in which I was floating and the fiery sensation that tells me there’s an Other being around. It wasn’t a bad dream or one that made me feel, well scolded for lack of a better term. It gave me the impression of a more informative dream than anything particularly emotional. Still haven’t been able to get more than that, though I had a dream about a hospital and one of my most recurring characters last night. To say the least another character has told me more of her story and so I was writing that.

Oh, please send a little energy and love to my plants. I don’t think my basil will survive, it looks ill. I moved my lavender and oregano into my room where they can get more reliable sun. Unfortunately that’s atop my shrine space, not that I’m really using it, though curiously I don’t think the gods atop it mind. I’m trying to keep those plants healthy, especially through the winter, since it would be nice to plant the lavender in the yard next spring. Who knows, I might keep them as houseplants.

As a last thing, can someone give me some information on Aset? Especially in their personal dealings with Her?  Ciao all.

Dreams, Music, Plants, and Writing

So, today I got up “early” for Saturday. Ten am basically. This doesn’t seem much of an announcement except for one thing: I’ve been in and out of sleep since five pm Friday evening. I’ve been sleep-deprived all week and the week before, but still, kinda ridiculous even for me. I’m sure I dreamt a lot, but I only remember another scene of cleaning a bathroom that wasn’t mine as if it was mine. In fact, it was the same bathroom as the last dream I posted (did I post it? can’t remember lol) Just in case I didn’t, I’ll hash it out for you.

A few days ago, before I was to go see an apartment with TB, I dreamt about being in an apartment. The main thing I saw was the bathroom. I was cleaning it, which is only unusual if you don’t consider that it’s my favorite room to clean. I will gladly clean a bathroom before I do laundry, just sayin. Now, truth be told the bathroom IRL was due to be cleaned, but it wasn’t Gm’s bathroom in the dream. In fact, it wasn’t anyone’s bathroom that I’ve been in or cleaned. That’s how it started.

There were other people there, in other rooms. I believe they were moving things around. For the most part I was in this bathroom with people coming to the door to ask me questions or show me something. I’m not entirely sure who all was there, but it actually didn’t really matter. I remember seeing only two faces clearly, TB and a woman who I don’t recognize. It could be my mom, but the expression isn’t one she normally gives. Hell, it could be me honestly, I dream a lot in third person. But, that would actually confuse things since I was also talking to this person. I feel like maybe it was part of me or something. I honestly don’t know.

Anyway, lots of stuff that I’m not actually seeing going on, at one point I’m in this hallway looking at TB who is standing by a staircase. The house is dark, there’s only one light on, in the dining room where he’s standing. Everything about this house is dark, the stairs and floor are hardwood, the windows are curtained and the walls are a light color. It’s not gloomy though, I’ve been in several houses with this sort of lighting because of funky window configuration. They’re rarely gloomy, just dim, and there’s always been something ok about it. Comforting and relaxing, though annoying when trying to read. They’re the sort of houses that don’t suffer when there’s a lot of light, be it from lamps or the sun, and don’t shut down into depressing or gloomy when there isn’t.

Either way, TB is standing by these steps and I’m in the living room facing him and talking to him. The house, now that I think of it, does vaguely remind me of two family member’s houses, but that bathroom throws it off, as does the distinct feeling through this dream that it is not anyone’s house except mine and when I say mine I mean belonging to TB and me. There’s no doubt that it was ours, the other people there were of no consequence and were simply helping us get it together and set up to live in. I also had the vague feeling that it was an apartment, which makes me think possibly a duplex or something. I don’t know, I don’t think it matters. He was talking about something that needed to be done, as well as updating me on progress about something else. He was angry, but not at me, apparently there were things that other people were supposed to be handling that they weren’t doing and he couldn’t get them moving.

Nonetheless, that anger was expressing itself in our discussion and we got into a disagreement about how something he was asking of me should be handled. I don’t remember what it was that was so important, it was something that had to do with the bathroom or something of similar importance. It got to the point where he was just like “look, I have other things to handle with this so just please do this for me. I don’t care how it’s done as long as it’s done.” On that we agreed and I went to do whatever it was though the next scene was the bathroom again.

This time though, I had a hand vacuum. Now, I’ve used a vacuum cleaning the bathroom before (I have a lot of hair on my head, which consequently means a lot on the floor, sweeping isn’t exactly the most efficient choice lol) but this was kinda abnormal. I was vacuuming like, a scrub brush (which I don’t use) and like mechanical parts inside the tub. Yup, took a small panel off and some gears and shit out and was vacuuming them. I don’t know for what purpose other than to clean it. Finally it changes one last time, to being in the living room with TB again. This time there’s a black woman I don’t know there, she’s large and wearing brightly colored clothes reminiscent of a daishiki was there. She was pacing back and forth muttering about finding something. She couldn’t find her gift for us and wanted to give us a little money as well. She found the money and gave it to us, saying it was for lunch or breakfast and left. Then I woke up.

Now, I posted this because I dreamt about cleaning that bathroom again this morning, but I don’t remember anything else though I’m sure there’s more. I dunno, it seems whatever that stands for is important in some way. Today was also a day I was thinking about music a lot. My love of it, my favorite ones, how it influences me. My mother doesn’t necessarily care for my music of choice, she thinks many of the songs she’s heard are depressing and has commented before about how the music she listened to when she was young made her feel worse. But of course, where she hears depression I hear liberation. Ask any rock music fan, anyone who listens to Evanescence like I do, Flyleaf, Linkin Park (frequent fliers on my IPod), Lynyrd Skynyrd, KoRn, Nine Inch Nails, Nirvana, I could poll my friends and come up with a massive assortment. They do not hear depression, but release, comfort, understanding. I hear it too, I’ve heard it since high school, tenth grade. When I first heard anything besides suck ass rap and love-saturated R&B, Christian rock and flowing songs, oldies, 80’s and all that jazz it was amazing, beautiful. I never knew such things existed, I’d always been blocked, secretly forbidden, and then a friend came along and had me listen.

Evanescence is my main music drug of choice. Amy’s voice is beautiful, a blasting of emotion into a rough fabric of song, twisting your mind with it until you feel what she feels and it’s like she feels you. Isn’t that how music should be? Some may hear loud noise and incoherent or even destructive lyrics, but no, it’s beautiful, it’s beautiful. This music bangs out the darkness on paper, blares the deepest until the air is saturated with what you feel and what they feel. Almost makes you wish you could write music doesn’t it? Makes you want to reach out and touch those places that bring pain and suffering and relief and release?

Ah look at me waxing poetic. It’s about time, I’ve lost touch with that inner muse that creates poetry. It was my first love in writing you know. The most infamous piece of writing I ever created was called “The World is Like a Cup of Rice”. It was about being poor and rich and different and the same in the world. When I first wrote it some fifteen years ago, someone asked me why the rich people were white rice and the poor people were brown rice. I think, if I recall correctly, that my answer was that both rices are good for you but brown rice was supposed to be a little healthier. I can’t remember if someone said anything about that. I do remember that I lost it a couple days later and was besides myself. It still makes me sad to think of it. I think the gods took it lol I remember that about seven more incarnations came into being because of trying to recapture it. Sure I’d come up with little stories and epic adventures, but they were certainly not written. And they were usually in the context of me and Sister playing games together (ah, Ducks, Chickens, Spiders, Dogs and People XD).

As such, I’ve recently decided that I was going to get back into my writing. Not just my story making, but my poetry. That which connects to the side of me that likes to rhyme and likes to patch words together into beautiful rhythms. The part of my soul and mind that takes the heart of what it sees and tries to weave it into words, tries to capture a hint of what it is and was and wants to be. The part that swims in words and basks in the light of inspiration.

Maybe I could ask my plants for inspiration. Gm bought a new plant today, a big healthy Philodendron that we’ve named Dennis. No, his name will not be Phil, it is too obvious and cliché. I was the one who brought him in the house too. I picked up his bucket and told him “welcome to the house of the plant lovers.” He got nervous as I took him up the front steps, but we passed the front yard plants. Now, I’ll be honest, we don’t tend them like we used to, but we do love them and they often put on a show when I go out to take pictures of how beautiful they are. We still love the plants, even if we don’t get in the garden and play in the dirt with them. I think they gave us good props, because he relaxed when we got in the house. There are more houseplants in there, mainly in the kitchen where I sat him at first while I moved a small table that he’ll sit on.

Dennis is still nervous, he’s in a new house with a dog and a baby and ghosts and other plants and people he’s never seen. The other plants may be nice and tell him good things, but the point remains that he’s still in unfamiliar surroundings. I don’t know how to put him at ease, unfortunately there seems to be very little or very hidden information on working with plants and plant spirits and Overspirits. I also hope to take a piece of him with me when I eventually move out. I think we could get along.

I’m also hoping my other plants will be ok. My basil is suffering this year, but I’m not sure from what, the fact that gnats are pestering it probably isn’t helping. However, my oregano and lavender are doing well. The lavender is still small and probably will be for a while. I’ll likely need bigger pots for all the petite plants, but now I’m just hoping they last through the winter. I want to plant them outside next spring. I also have decided that I want a Venus Fly Trap. Yup, just gonna leave you boggling on that bit of silliness. I plan to get one next spring lol Back to the current houseplants, if I can figure a way to stop the gnats then I’ll bring them all downstairs to hang with Dennis. I think I’ll name the others too, just for kicks XD

Let’s see, Lou and Chassie for the Lavender, Otis and Henrietta for the Basil and Oregano. I find my astral self hearing laughter and snickering XD to be fair, I’d laugh at me too lol