Right now I’m sitting next to my Anubis statue, thinking about lunch. Earlier had this strange desire to bring it out of my room to hang out in the living room. I know it seems strange to be out here considering my post the other day. However, I am actually completely alone in my home right now. I am delighted at how much better my house feels, and I haven’t done more than the dishes and clean the bathtub.
So, I’m sure you’re all wondering what happened. Today Zolfyer is going to a tournament. This was planned two weeks ago, so whatever. Technically Cousin was supposed to go, he even got off work. Then he and I argued and Cousin found out that he wasn’t able to take Fiancee with him (his reasoning was he wouldn’t get to spend a lot of time with her next week because of work, everyone going was like, we need room for a person who is actually going to play and not be a distraction because pregnant people get exhausted really fast and have a lot of needs, so it isn’t a good idea to bring her out to New York for a late day trip) and decided not to go. He claimed he didn’t know about them only taking one car, even though Zolfyer most definitely told him that our car Maxwell was not going out to New York. Either way, he didn’t ask clarifying questions up until the night I argued with him, and he outright refused to ask our friend, who is the one driving (and also the one he was rude to last night) any questions. Like whether Fiancee could come.
To clarify about last night, Cousin and Fiancee decided that acting as if no one else existed was a good course of action. Whatever, Zolfyer was at work half the day and I was asleep for a good portion because my sleep schedule is whack. However, we had two friends come over, T and S. Now, they don’t really know S, Cousin has met her maybe twice. T, however, is their friend too, and is the leader of our Cardfight! Vanguard team. Further, he’s done them a lot of favors in respect to that team. Card games can get pretty expensive, and T went out of his way to try and include Cousin in the team and make sure the other team members treated him and Fiancee with respect. Apparently Fiancee doesn’t actually like him, T can be a little callous and he is very straightforward. He’s still very caring, he’s just an asshole about it. Z and I have other friends like him, so it’s not really a big deal to us, especially if you tell him you’re not cool with something, he usually changes his behavior and/or apologizes. This is another example of how communication could save Fiancee and Cousin a lot of trouble, but they choose not to. Anyway, T comes in and, not really aware of the tension of the house because of the argument, tries to talk to Cousin and Fiancee. Cousin says literally three words to him and otherwise ignores him for his computer game. (Notice how they’re perfectly content to use our internet while completely ignoring us) Fiancee says nothing. They say two words to S.
Now, logically, this is unacceptable behavior. You don’t treat guests like that! You don’t treat a friend like that! Especially when they have no idea and nothing to do with whatever reason you’ve got a foul attitude. You certainly don’t act that way to someone else’s guests, certainly not while a guest in someone else’s house. We didn’t want to slap that hornet’s nest while our guests were here, because we wanted to hang out with them. Cousin and Fiancee did not interact with any of us for the entire night. Not so much as a “god bless you” for a sneeze was given, although Fiancee did say excuse me to our cat.
You read that right. She excused herself to the cat, but couldn’t say hi to our guests or even bless their sneezes, much less mine. They did talk to each other, and Cousin, still on his game, on our internet, was happily yammering to his online friends. He said three words to Zolfyer, “Adrian says hi”. Otherwise he’d have gone completely without speaking to us for day two. Adrian is Zolfyer’s friend first, so Cousin couldn’t avoid passing the message without betraying his petty motives. We decided it wasn’t worth it to pester them after our guests left. Z needed to sleep because he had to get up early, so we left it for today.
Now to really explain why I’m home alone.
Let me give you a little understanding of how my house works. How I work as well. I’m paranoid. I am aware of this, I am honest about it, I tell people as much. I am a small woman, at this point in my life, partially disabled. Safety is a huge priority for me, if only because I get a lot of intrusive thoughts of danger and assault. This means I have some rules related to that. Close the windows at night, draw the blinds, leave at least one light on at night if we’re going out and lock my door. This might seem like a given, but you’d be amazed at how many people don’t lock their doors, or how often I end up fussing at a guest because they didn’t lock the door behind them.
I check the door at least once per day, regardless of whether or not I can clearly see that both the deadbolt and the doorknob are locked, regardless of whether or not I was the one who locked it, or if I just watched someone lock it. In fact, I often check the locks immediately after a person that isn’t me or Z locks it. It’s a big deal to me. You know which of my friends sees me the most by who either gets out of my way so I can lock it, or double checks the door is locked behind them before I even get to the door. I demand that my door is locked properly at all times.
Cousin had a hard time with this when they first got here. In Georgia, he and his roommates didn’t lock their front door. Look, I can understand that it’s a house of boys in a small town in Georgia, but come on, there were still neighbors and they didn’t know any of them. The entire first month you heard me every single day asking why my door wasn’t locked, or me commanding him to lock my damn door. It wasn’t unreasonable, though I probably could have been nicer about it, I’ll admit. However, to me it is a carelessness that can get us hurt or robbed. Lock my fucking door.
This leads to a very important rule: Tell us when you’re leaving. They don’t have a key, which means they can’t get in unless someone is home, and they can’t lock the deadbolt. Since they lost their car early on, they don’t have a key, and they don’t know my city, it’s for their safety and my peace of mind to know when they’re leaving, where they’re going and how long they’ll be out. At the very least it means we have a direction to go in if something were to happen to them while out. It also makes sure my fucking door is locked. Considering I have a wacky sleep schedule, this is especially important when I’m asleep and they’re going somewhere. I need to be alerted that the house is about to be empty so that I can LOCK MY DOOR. Being unaware that I’ve been left alone, especially with an improperly locked door, is very scary for me. Just like how I nearly throttled my cat because she somehow kicked one of the window screens out, giving me a rush of panic that she might have gotten out and could be lost, and that someone might have broken in while I was out. I was extra angry when I came in to hear her meowing an “I didn’t do it!” But also extremely relieved because she was safe, all our stuff was safe and she hadn’t damaged the screen. It only occurred to me after I’d taken a deep breath that the door had been properly locked and no idiot would burglarize a home in broad daylight and not at least leave through the front door instead of the tiny ass window only a toddler can fit through.
This leads to this morning, with Zolfyer getting up at 7 to get dressed. He wanted to get his hair cut (he was pretty scruffy, and he doesn’t shave so he gets his goatee shaped up at the barber) before meeting up with T so that they could head to this tournament in New York. Now, I had planned to either confront them about their behavior or force them to visit someone anyway, but I wasn’t expecting Z to come in incredulous and pissed off before 7:30.
You see, Cousin and Fiancee heard him get up. I assume they were awake already or something, since the living room was straightened up (though not enough, since they still left a dirty napkin, a piece of plastic and crumbs all over the table, while their laptop took up space) when Z went out there. They heard him get up and as soon as he went back in our room to get dressed they dashed into the bathroom and rushed to get out of the house before he left the bedroom. Yep, they were that desperate to avoid any interaction with us whatsoever. In fact, I had to feed THEIR ferrets and give them water, because they hadn’t done that in their rush to avoid us.
That in itself made me mad, but I didn’t know about that at first. No, I was more angry, and am still more angry, that they had acted so immaturely over these past two days, and were being so petulant and passive-aggressive that they dashed out of the house. Violating my two most important rules. Z hypothesizes that they assumed, since he was up and would be leaving soon (not that they knew what time he planned to leave, so what does that say about how determined they were to treat us with contempt) that they didn’t need to lock the door or tell us they were leaving so that he’d come lock it.
Except that isn’t what the rules are. The rules are, you must tell someone when you are leaving, regardless of whether they are leaving shortly after you or are awake. This way they can lock the door after you and know that you’re gone and where you’re going. These rules have been in place since they got here. In addition, they’ve been flaunting other rules we set for them, such as clean up the livingroom every day, especially putting the air mattress down and folding your shit up when you choose to sleep on the couch instead. We also asked them to get off the internet at 3am (technically to turn off all electronics, but really we meant get off the internet since that’s primarily what they do), which Cousin doesn’t adhere to, which I wasn’t aware of otherwise I’d have made a big deal about it.
We also had to throw out three sets of tupperware because they make food for Fiancee and then she doesn’t eat it all or throw it out. I didn’t see them all the way in the back of the fridge (and was confused why we were missing tupperware, but we lose them all the time so I didn’t think anything of it) until I saw something weird while putting groceries away. Low and behold moldy food. Her moldy food, because it wasn’t anything I had made for dinner.
I’m tired of them acting like our rules are optional. Like they have an equal stake here and have the ability or luxury to treat us poorly and with contempt. I’m tired of them not caring about our space and our needs and the fact that we get to dictate what is and isn’t appropriate behavior because by Anpu’s fangs this is our fucking house. Our name is on the lease. We allowed you in here. I ALLOWED YOU IN HERE. If I had told Z no, they’d still be in Georgia, stuck hardcore. Yet I’m always the bad guy, shoving my words down their throats, making them miserable and scared to speak up, attacking Cousin for no reason. Always making everything he says a problem. Yet they can’t even follow some simple rules or even clean up after themselves consistently. They can’t respect Z and what he does for them, or his hard work to provide for everyone.
I had to pick up a dead roach a few days ago. Z and I are very clean people. There were two dirty bowls on the coffee table and all four glasses were out of the cabinet, only one in the sink. Crumbs from food everywhere. We tell them to clean up after themselves. To not leave food out. To put their dishes in the sink before they go to sleep. The day before the roach they had pizza and I told them to put their crusts in the garbage and plates in the sink. I come out the next day, at noon and they’re still there, the two of them asleep. It took all of my strength not to go off, Cousin’s excuse was “damn, I knew I forgot something”. They’re right in front of your fucking face, you nasty motherfucker.
So, when they get back, whenever that might be, there will be a discussion. It will not be an argument, because I am not going to argue with them. There is nothing to argue about, because they don’t have the right to argue with me. I have the right to dictate what is and is not appropriate behavior inside my home, and my rules are law. I will not be mistreated, dismissed or treated with contempt any longer. I will not be made uncomfortable in my home by bad guests who disrespect me and my rules. Who think it acceptable to argue with their host about whether they’re allowed to use slurs, or ignore them in totality, who do these things while still using their resources. Who think it acceptable to mistreat friends and guests just because they’re having a tantrum. Who have fucking tantrums all over facebook. I don’t have to tolerate immaturity, selfishness, arrogance or passive-aggression. I’ve had enough of emotional manipulation and abuse. I’ve had enough of being belittled and dismissed and ignored, of having my boundaries stomped on and treated callously. I’ve had enough of somehow always being the bad guy just because I have high standards and expect people to bring their A game if they step to me.
I will not, I will not, I will not have pests in my home because of them or anyone.
Whether they get two weeks or two hours to get out of my house depends entirely on how they act when I lay down my law. I will reestablish ma’at in my home. Zep Tepi is coming, and I’m the one bringing it.
To say this experience has changed us would be an understatement. It is a neutral change, because there are good things and bad things. Zolfyer says he feels angrier and more petty and vindictive. I have to say I feel the same.However, we’ve also learned quite clearly what and where our boundaries are, and we are developing the strength, courage, desire and determination to protect those boundaries and protect our home. It is likely that the negatives will end up hurting innocent others at some point, since we are now more sensitive and liable to lash out or cut off. Beaten dogs bite and all. Nonetheless, we must protect ourselves from abuse and being taken advantage of.
Anubis is a god of many things. Lord of thePavilion. Protector of His Father. I intend to rebalance my home TODAY. For my god is also He Who Is One with Ma’at. More importantly, he is also He Who Brings Calamity on His Enemies. I am his daughter, and this bitch bites.