So, since I last wrote, I’ve had a couple more dreams. This morning was one of fighting and capturing “things”. They were of the metaphysical creature variety, but I don’t remember more detail than that. I was in a city, with Z, and I feel like Dapper was somewhere. He definitely shows up for food, but he has been quiet otherwise. After the slicing and canning we went for a drive out of the city. A super dense, dark fog set in, and it didn’t help that it was night. Wherever we were, people apparently don’t drive like they’re trying to live another day, because everyone, even us, was driving 60+ miles an hour despite visibility being like, three feet. Our car was also fixed up (and I apparently don’t drive in the astral either, much like irl). However, we ended up crashing into the back of the car ahead of us because it and the six cars in front of it came to a sudden halt, and apparently whomever fixed our ride doesn’t know how to properly tighten brakes. Strangely, our car was completely unharmed, but the car we hit careened into and under the one in front of it. Both drivers got out concerned about us. Everything after that starts to get too fuzzy, because yay alarms. The people here, wherever we are, seem to be weirdly uncaring about dangerous circumstances. Considering what a neurotic mess I am in waking life I don’t understand why I’m one of those people completely unmoved by things like crashing cars. Of course, the not getting hurt by such insanity is probably the reason. Ah, I just thought that this might be some place to train, or something. Huh, learning how to fight and travel someplace that I can’t get hurt. Makes sense.
Today was also a day of “I feel like I’m being watched.”
I would be doing something and then I’d get the sense that Anpu was there, pondering and staring. Thinking. Deciding. At one point I felt Him so clearly that I almost turned to look at Him as if He were genuinely behind me like a human. I didn’t, because I was at school and how loony would I look fussing at a god to stop staring at me and no you can’t have my cookie? Considering all the craziness that others I follow are going through, I can see I’m about to be yanked into some craziness. To some degree I asked for this, to other degrees I absolutely did not. I never had a genuine interest in the astral or all that jazz. I’m an extremely anxious person, I’ve also read lots of other people’s experiences. It’s intense, it’s harsh and it’s scary. The really scary part is also how fucking clear everything is. A couple weeks ago I posted a picture of a set of prayer beads I made. I dedicated them mainly to Anpu but also to Aset. Once I get some more money I’ll probably make one just for Her, but they don’t seem to mind sharing. I asked Them to bless it, to make it a connection so that I could feel Their presence when I held it and especially when I prayed over them as well as to make it a protective item. I’m not terribly good at energy sensing and warding, or at least maintaining that stuff, so I figured it was a good thing. Well, I didn’t expect to have my requests granted so strongly. I dream more clearly and sense both Them and Dapper more easily with the beads nearby or on my person. Scary shit when you aren’t really used to or expecting that.
It seems clear to me that a LOT of the gods are on the move. What they’re doing is beyond me, but I’ve seen a steady increase in activity since Halloween. I’m also pretty sure that this is also based on convenience since I finally have my own place and someone who isn’t unconsciously uncomfortable with and against my spirituality.
I’m wondering what I’m getting myself into. I can’t say I necessarily regret it, this path and these gods have brought me more peace than I’ve ever had as a Christian and have helped me out in concrete ways. But, I also see the strife and suffering that some of my friends are going through. I don’t know if I’m ready for that, but I guess we’ll see.
Here, enjoy a song that I feel is becoming increasingly important. Every now and then I get one of my Evanescence songs as a major ear worm. Usually it means something for whatever reason (for instance Lost in Paradise and End of the Dream were songs that empowered and validated me, and were Anpu’s first communication attempts). It’s also almost always an Evanescence song because I have so many and am constantly listening to them. I picked the one with lyrics because, obviously, the lyrics are very important. I also realize that this song could apply to others. Have fun