Persephone

So, I had three blog posts I had meant to write over the last week, two fiction and one relevant. I can’t for the life of me remember what the relevant one was for, but it doesn’t really matter; I have this one. Yesterday I had the third strange dream this week. The images of the other two are fleeting, but besides their content, the timing itself is odd. You see, I haven’t had much in the way of dreams lately. Bad sleep and school and such make my dreams “dark”. In other words, the sense that you haven’t dreamed or only very little and vaguely. However, this has changed.

The other day, I dreamt of children. I was in a school, though not a teacher. It was all elementary school students, and it was a massive school, the size of a college. There I found the two kids who I’ve cared for recently and the most strongly. The one is an infant and I’m her nanny currently, the other is now a fourth grader. Said fourth grader is from my old job as a PCA and she was tough. I was stressed to the limit helping her, but I won’t lie and say I didn’t hold her near and dear. I worry about and think about her a lot and wonder if it would be professional (it isn’t) and/or well received if I called or texted her mom to see how she was doing. I pray for her and her family a lot, she was troubled. She was also in my dream.

I remember seeing her, and she ran to me. We talked and I went with her to her next class. She had a bit of a breakdown and I was explaining to her teacher how to handle it and what was causing it. I was also defending her right to be there and not to be treated badly. “She’s getting better, this isn’t new. It isn’t as bad as it could be.” Stuff like that. I took her to lunch and then we were in the hallway and I was thinking about doing some magic for her. Healing heka, wondering how I would phrase it for her and her family. A boy came by and wanted to know what we were doing and join us. I had been given a piece of paper, and whoever gave it to me said something about the girl’s drawing ability and lines. She could make herself a sigil and not know it. So I gave both her and the boy paper and pens to draw and they didn’t know they drew sigils.

In the meantime I had also been seeing and talking to my current employer. She was asking me to fold laundry and then take the baby. Baby was in a car seat and I was doing what her mom wanted in between the other child’s classes. Then the hallway filled up with people and I lost her. I found her again, after I had given the girl and boy paper to make their sigils, and I felt bad that I was taking care of the older child better than the baby. She was impossibly small out of nowhere when I picked her up (she had been crying). She stretched and arched, a disembodied voice mentioned that she was feeling discomfort and pain. The baby was now able to fit in my palms and I rubbed her stomach with my thumbs. I was carrying her somewhere, but then the dream was interrupted.

Last night, I dreamt of being at a Pokémon game tournament. It was big and resided in a school, a dream version of my high school. I was winning, so was Zolfyer, though he ended up getting moved differently in the rankings because he was trashing people and I was having balanced battles. I went to the next room, which was really an oddly built hallway, where we were waiting for the next rankings and assigned rooms to be posted. Now, in this dream I had the sense that I was very well off, and that well off-ness had everything to do with Zolfyer and his job. This is important because everywhere I went someone was complaining about finances. Utility bills being cut off or disabled (there’s no such thing, but in the dream this meant limited and reduced services with shutoff an outcome if bills continue to go unpaid). Every time I listened to a conversation it undoubtedly would mention bills. Electricity and heat were the primary victims.

It was very strange to say the least, but I tried to ignore it. Anyway, in this weird hallway I initially thought the next round was going to start, so I went looking for my table and next opponent. I briefly saw someone I greatly dislike and decided that if my opponent was over there I wasn’t going to play. And just like that no one was really playing, not for the tournament anyway. I sat near the bathrooms and had a conversation. To whom is unknown, I just knew it was a female friend at one point and a male friend at another. Anyway, the boy’s bathroom was particular strange. It didn’t seem like it had a toilet or urinal, just a sink and this weird hole in the floor for the guys to pee in. Zolfyer called it a “glorified water closet”. I honestly don’t really know what that means. I’ve never heard of a water closet, and apparently it’s only glorified because of the sink.

For the most part guys were going in, shutting the door, and coming back out like normal people. Then this one dude went in there and called out to me to come in with him. I had no idea who the creepster was, and I sure as shit wasn’t going in there. I don’t know how he even knew my name. He said something about needing someone in there to make it work (the floor I guess) and being lonely and needing me specifically in there. I was like, fuck that noise. He made this creepy and odd grin and shut the door. I had three other guys make gross passes at me over this bathroom while I sat around and talked with friends, all of them became background after leaving the bathroom. Eventually I asked my friend, “is this happening just because I’m sitting in front of the bathroom?” My friend just laughed. I don’t know if I got an answer.

The tournament started to pick back up and I was assigned to the library section for my next match. I went there and was looking at books and reading them, I also fussed at some young teens and kids for being too noisy or something and gave them advice on battling. Then I went to go find my opponent. I didn’t get to find though because I was interrupted.

It was weird, they suddenly started having speakers come in to talk about work. I don’t know what kind of work, but it was work I didn’t like, didn’t agree with, and had tried before. They were also people I didn’t like and I don’t know why or who. I passed a particular classmate in the hall as I was leaving, he was in a suit and with the job people, and overheard him talking about his heating bill being disabled and worrying about paying the balance and getting it restored. Winter is coming, it’s about to get shut off, the bill is large (the number 2,172$ keeps popping up). I saw myself going to him and whispering “how much do you owe?” But in reality I didn’t do that. I did stand and watch, wondering if I should reach out, but something told me it was neither my job nor expectation to help him. I wasn’t supposed to, I wasn’t allowed to and Z wouldn’t like it. So I didn’t.

Telling this dream to Zolfyer was a struggle. I hadn’t gotten enough sleep so I was addled and my mind was full of the sense of Persephone. When I had gotten up Her presence and the powerful sense that She was trying to tell me something pervaded my body. Recounting the dream to Zolfyer only made it clearer and stronger, and above all more persistent. However, I don’t know what She is trying to communicate here, and I get the feeling that all the dreams I’ve been having are related to Her, as well as the baffling sense of deja vu towards Aubs’ recent astral post.

I know she’s never written a post like that. I know we’ve never discussed the white room or the rose or even Papa Legba. However, reading that post was entirely a sense of “I know this. I know this. I have heard this, seen this, read this before. I was there, I have been there. The rose is powerful for her, she’s been in that room before somewhere.” And now that I recount this sensation I realize that she has been there before with Sekhmet. It is confusing and inexplicable. Aubs has never been there with her goddess as far as I can remember from her blogs and I know she has been there before with Papa Legba. I have seen the words of that post before and I do not know where, but I feel so terrifyingly strongly that I’ve read it and known it before that it bears mentioning. And then that night I read it, I dream of children.

My new goddess is trying very hard to speak to me and I’ve no idea what She is saying.

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