Avoiding

I’ll be honest, I’ve been avoiding Anpu. There are a few reasons I haven’t gone to shrine, pretty decent reasons. Not feeling well physically or emotionally, being somewhere that I have no shrine space, and then purity reasons popped up. But honestly, I just haven’t wanted to deal with Him. Right now He’s purposely ignoring certain concerns I have. I keep telling Him that humans cannot work spiritually when their mundane life is uncertain. He refuses to give me any response except “the material future is assured, so focus on the spiritual.” And when I ask how He would like me to go about doing that (because having a direction, a hint, a nudge, an idea, a goal helps me focus and aim and come up with more ideas) He just tells me “be creative”. And I’m just like -_- the fuck do you mean be creative?! “You’re a creative person, be creative.” And He then has the nerve to give me a cheeky grin.

It was pretty similar to this

So yeah, I didn’t feel like dealing with the vagueness. I had schoolwork to focus on and a job that I was finding to be less than stellar. I don’t know if I wrote about it, but I had a job selling Fios, I quit last week. I wasn’t making any sales and was getting physically sick. I can’t imagine what my health would have been if I had worked last week when it was cold and wet out. Not making an ER trip for asthma, nopenopenope. And yet, all I sense is Him waiting around, sitting in a chair, looking at me patiently. The last couple days have been notably clear, especially since I’ve wanted to give Him a good offering as thanks for Zolfyer getting a job. I get the nudge of an “I told you not to worry” as I write that sentence. Yeah, yeah, so you were right >.> Big whoop. As you can tell I’m cranky.

Nonetheless, I shall see what I can do about this focusing on the spiritual thing. I want to start yoga and crochet, though I’ve no idea what I’ll crochet exactly since I’ve already got some handmade decorations on the altar. I don’t want to do too much because it will be just my luck to catch something on fire. Yes, it’s a completely unreasonable fear because I’m very careful with fire and always keep a snuffer and water nearby, but still. I think the crochet itself will be an offering to Aset, the making of things for others. She likes that stuff, and I’ll throw in cleaning and probably cooking too. Writing and yoga are definitely up for Anpu, but I get the feeling He’s about ready to start on that whole healing thing I mentioned to Him a few weeks ago. Considering that very painful situations have been a mysteriously prime topic lately, I would imagine He’s trying to make a point and coax me over. It scares me honestly. I am terrified. At least as much as I am of driving (did I mention I renewed my permit?) Maybe I’ll do violin as well, but I’m not sure. I have to really think about what I would want to do regularly as a way to focus on my spirituality. I may have to read, which is not in itself a bad thing since I love reading, but I am not sure what to read exactly. I know that I’ve wanted to get back into my photography since it’s autumn now, and to get into painting. We shall see.

All in all, I have seen that my gods do not go away just because I ignore them. If anything they get closer, just close enough to make you go O_O >_< and growl. Then laugh at you because your growl is pitiful and unthreatening.

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7 thoughts on “Avoiding

  1. I think the gods just forget that our concerns are valid regarding the mundane. We don’t sit around and worry about money and whatnot for fun. And while they know that things will work out, which is great, it doesn’t make us feel any better since usually “work out” doesn’t necessarily mean what we think it does.

    I went through the same issue when I was unemployed. All the NTR would say, “it’ll be fine; stop worrying.” And I would explain that I couldn’t just shelve the fear, doubt,and worry because they said so. It became a balancing act. Devotions in the AM; worry and fear in the PM.

  2. I’ve gotten “It’ll work out, don’t worry” before. For some reason it’s especially frustrating coming from Ausir.

    Healing work can be terrifying. It’s worth it, but isn’t pleasant (says the person who’s only just begun).

    For not lighting things on fire, have you tried LED candles?

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