On Violent Dreams and Hidden Jackals

So I had an interesting dream last night. It started at my grandmother’s house. Gm was there of course, but really the weird part about this is that I have kids. A daughter and son. Now, this isn’t completely based in reality, I have no children and certainly not a pair of five year olds. Nephew isn’t even two yet and I know these were my kids in the dream. Anyway, we’re all watching tv and talking about something and the news comes on talking about danger and problems and end of the world and whatnot. I don’t know why I went outside but I did, hearing the neighbors half panicking and talking to each other about it. I was more worried about something else, but the danger warning was a serious problem. For some reason I feel it was directed towards me and not the “rest of the world”.

Either way I didn’t stay at Gm’s for too much longer. A friend had called saying that the kids’ father (not Zolfyer, it was some older white guy, like forties while I’m in my thirties) was on his way. Whomever this person was, it was not a good thing that he was coming. I was hardly worried about him getting there after I left, Gm is more than a match for any asshole. Being 5 foot even means nothing when you can be as nasty as a honey badger and have a pistol to back up your bite. Seriously, she can scare the tar out of grown ass men over a foot taller and any weight heavier.

I’m not sure where I went, there was a time skip of sorts. I’m sure we went back to our house, the kids and I. I don’t know where it is, but it was now night and I was inside. There was still news that the father was looking for us, but my friends (who, oddly enough, were veggietale-like creatures) were keeping him away and helping us. Eventually I see myself at work in a museum (the existence of which I would love, it was absolutely gorgeous inside) and talking to another friend, possibly my friend Jasmine, about work and other things which I can’t remember. Safety I think was one, being annoyed about something was another, like really angry about something not going how I wanted and getting worse instead, as well as people being dicks. I’m not sure what section of the museum I worked in was, possibly a section on animals and it was next to an art section. Perhaps, I’m not sure.

I then go home to find my veggie friends freaking out. They say that the father is on his way and some serious problems are about to erupt in the country and city, so we need to get to America. Obviously it makes little sense to sail from America to America, but alas we got in boats (at night) and went through the canals and rivers of the city we were in (I’ve never been to Venice, instead it was a fictional Philly) and climbed up the banks to a sheltered cottage surrounded by forest, though we could still see some city lights from the riverbank. It was a very beautiful house and was apparently mine, but I’m not sure. Inside I was doing a lot of things, cleaning and freaking out over something and making it safe and whatnot before putting the children to bed. I think a memory of another dream was pulled out and mixed up some of the details. Other people besides the veggie friends were there. I think Zolfyer may have been there but I’m not sure, faces were blurry in the dream as well as after I woke up. They were all here to help protect me and the kids.

After a while there was sleep and again a lot of extremely blurry details of events. I don’t think they were that important but it had to do with safety and things disrupting the harmony of the home. Demons and the like I’m almost certain. Then out of nowhere the father shows up and there’s a lot of arguing and fighting. They’re all trying to keep him away from me (who is in the kitchen) and the children (who are upstairs). He was saying nasty things about me and my mothering skills and was angry I was keeping the kids away, especially because the kids were terrified of him for being an abusive bastard. I’m not sure how or when I ended up in the livingroom, but I did and the kids were downstairs. Everyone was essentially telling me to kill him because we were fighting. I’m not sure how I managed to subdue him with a fork, or even why I had a fork or where I got it from, but I got him with silverware and then strangled him to death. It, was not scary, but it was very strange. I don’t generally kill in my dreams, much less get encouraged to do it. Either way, when he was dead I was upset and the children were too, but not for the reason I was. Well, they were upset I had to kill him, like I was, but not that he was dead. I was more upset that I had just murdered more than anything. It blacked out after that. Well, there was one last scene where all three of us dunked our heads in a pool of water inset into the brickwork where a fireplace might go to cleanse ourselves. After that there was nothing bad and we were free, or something similar. It took me a few head dunks.

After that I was in a room similar to my Pop-Pop’s guest room, but much larger and arranged differently. It was very bright in there and I was sleeping. Someone came into my room to wake me up. Now, in the dream it was my “sister” (the energy was closest to that of my twin) but not really her. She got on the bed to shake and poke my arm to wake me but said nothing. As soon as she touched my skin I knew that it very much wasn’t her but Anpu. I don’t know why or how or what but I have never been more sure in my life that it was my god in there at that moment. I woke right up and swung hard at “her” and managed to stop myself from swinging IRL at Zolfyer who was very much still asleep and has already gotten hit in the face by my sleeping movements. I even remember opening my eyes briefly to make sure I hadn’t hit him and to put my arm down gently. I remember saying very sternly in dream to the disguised Jackal that I was tired of Him showing up costumed like my sister. I told Him that if He wanted to talk He should just come as Himself. The “girl” frowned and took her hand back slowly, though I realize now she never got off the bed. My alarm went off just then.

Now that I’ve had time to think about and recollect the dream more thoroughly I wonder exactly who that girl is. She was not my sister though her energy was clearly familiar enough to make my brain think, at least at first, that that was who she was. I also wonder why she gave off the strong and undeniable energy and scent of Anpu. He’s been far today, probably because I’ve never snapped at Him like that before. I’m not even sure why I snarked so hard or how I knew that it wasn’t the first time He’d disguised Himself in my dreams. I feel bad because I didn’t even get to find out what He/she wanted or why they were waking me from sleep within sleep. Maybe I’ll get lucky and find out tonight.

There was also something else I wanted to talk about. Recently I embarked on a very Setian project. A satirical tumblr and facebook page on being the wackiest, most stereotypical, lunatic fluff pagan worshipper of Anpu. It seems the Jackal is not pleased with this. It’s been made clear that He would rather me write and spread good and true information about His worship to help others than to make satire, especially since people tend to miss the sardonicism and crassness and take things seriously and they aren’t meant to be. He’s also not happy with me trolling a facebook group that is full of people who lack critical thinking skills but are full of hubris and entitlement. So, in order to not incurring anger, especially since I just yelled at Him this morning, I probably will let those projects get taken over by others and not “waste time” per se when I could be helpful instead. So there’s that.

Set has basically disappeared from view. It’s so much so that I’ve taken His things off my shrine. I can’t say I’m angry or upset He’s gone, but He’s very busy anyway. Though, I have to wonder about the storm that happened earlier in the week, just a couple days ago. It was short and not particularly strong and I was going to sit outside and enjoy it. However, I got a very distinct impression of brooding, and crankiness, so I decided to stay inside. Considering I got those impressions after “saying” hi to Set, I could assume it was Him.

As you can see I do not have a boring life. And people wonder why I don’t sleep lol

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