Yeah, just makin things confusing for myself this month. So, a few weeks ago I had a big fight with TB that led to me exploding at Anpu and Set because I was feeling lost and chaotic and out of control of myself and my life. Said conflict with TB was resolved the day after, but I backed away from shrine. Now, I kept making offerings out of my food (easier than trying to get food upstairs anyway), but otherwise was away from shrine. Something I may not have mentioned in discussing this before, was that I also appealed to Aset. I don’t know what made me choose Her, since the reason I was appealing was to get some divine help in being a better girlfriend and, in the future, wife and mother. Never beforehand had I looked at Aset, even though I knew She is one of the goddesses associated with motherhood and wifery. I couldn’t tell you why I was never drawn to her for that beforehand. But whatever, I appealed to her. I didn’t really think I’d get an answer, I don’t know, someone who knows they lose control of themselves easily and has esteem issues and bouts of Crazy tend not to think they’ll ever get answers or doubt everything.
So, a couple days ago I had two very strange dreams. It was early in the day, back to back. I remember them being unusual in that they were realistic. (As a comparison, I dreamt about zombies and princesses in the same dream last night. And these zombies? Intelligent. That was ice cream before bed.) Anyway, if I remember what these dreams were actually about I’ll post them. The important point is that between these dreams I found myself half awake. You know the type, part of your brain is still in dreams while the other is aware that you are in bed sleeping and not in some house where you’re having a curious discussion with someone. Anyway, in this half dream state, I very clearly heard a voice talking to me. Well, more commanding, but whatever. It wasn’t one of my mental voices, nor was it any person I knew, and it wasn’t male. It didn’t come with the fiery feeling I get when Anpu is coming around either.
“Do not come back to shrine until you’ve cleaned and prepared yourself and room properly.” Not exactly what it said, but that was the gist. And it repeated itself until I answered back “alright, Aset, I hear you, I hear you. I’ll do it, whatever you want, I’ll clean.” I also remember getting up to pee and reminding myself to remember that and the dream before it. Of course I waited too long to think about and write the dream down so I lost it.
So yeah, I’ve been thinking about that and what it may mean. It seems a little obvious, but I’m not so sure. I never wanted to be one of those newbies who is constantly switching through deities, but I feel like that’s exactly what I’m doing. Lucky for my sense of stability Anpu and Set said good morning the other day. Not sure what to do at this point except clean my room and see what happens when I finally get a chance to go to shrine again? Mundane life is more stable because Crazy went back to sleep and so I’m more stable. That and things seem to be working out again in various areas. I have more information to help the kid I work with, or at least I have more insight into why various things may not work for him. TB is going to start working with my staffing company, and he’ll be getting a higher pay rate because of his degree and once he gets a case we’ll be able to save faster and afford an apartment together.
I don’t even know right now. I’m just glad things in mundane world are slowly working themselves out, or seem to be anyway. Hopefully I’ll be able to get the same going with my spiritual life as well.
On a final note, inhaler and nebulizer vials, yay?