Oh Gods

Yeah, just makin things confusing for myself this month. So, a few weeks ago I had a big fight with TB that led to me exploding at Anpu and Set because I was feeling lost and chaotic and out of control of myself and my life. Said conflict with TB was resolved the day after, but I backed away from shrine. Now, I kept making offerings out of my food (easier than trying to get food upstairs anyway), but otherwise was away from shrine. Something I may not have mentioned in discussing this before, was that I also appealed to Aset. I don’t know what made me choose Her, since the reason I was appealing was to get some divine help in being a better girlfriend and, in the future, wife and mother. Never beforehand had I looked at Aset, even though I knew She is one of the goddesses associated with motherhood and wifery. I couldn’t tell  you why I was never drawn to her for that beforehand. But whatever, I appealed to her. I didn’t really think I’d get an answer, I don’t know, someone who knows they lose control of themselves easily and has esteem issues and bouts of Crazy tend not to think they’ll ever get answers or doubt everything.

So, a couple days ago I had two very strange dreams. It was early in the day, back to back. I remember them being unusual in that they were realistic. (As a comparison, I dreamt about zombies and princesses in the same dream last night. And these zombies? Intelligent. That was ice cream before bed.) Anyway, if I remember what these dreams were actually about I’ll post them. The important point is that between these dreams I found myself half awake. You know the type, part of your brain is still in dreams while the other is aware that you are in bed sleeping and not in some house where you’re having a curious discussion with someone. Anyway, in this half dream state, I very clearly heard a voice talking to me. Well, more commanding, but whatever. It wasn’t one of my mental voices, nor was it any person I knew, and it wasn’t male. It didn’t come with the fiery feeling I get when Anpu is coming around either.

“Do not come back to shrine until you’ve cleaned and prepared yourself and room properly.” Not exactly what it said, but that was the gist. And it repeated itself until I answered back “alright, Aset, I hear you, I hear you. I’ll do it, whatever you want, I’ll clean.” I also remember getting up to pee and reminding myself to remember that and the dream before it. Of course I waited too long to think about and write the dream down so I lost it.

So yeah, I’ve been thinking about that and what it may mean. It seems a little obvious, but I’m not so sure. I never wanted to be one of those newbies who is constantly switching through deities, but I feel like that’s exactly what I’m doing. Lucky for my sense of stability Anpu and Set said good morning the other day. Not sure what to do at this point except clean my room and see what happens when I finally get a chance to go to shrine again? Mundane life is more stable because Crazy went back to sleep and so I’m more stable. That and things seem to be working out again in various areas. I have more information to help the kid I work with, or at least I have more insight into why various things may not work for him. TB is going to start working with my staffing company, and he’ll be getting a higher pay rate because of his degree and once he gets a case we’ll be able to save faster and afford an apartment together.

I don’t even know right now. I’m just glad things in mundane world are slowly working themselves out, or seem to be anyway. Hopefully I’ll be able to get the same going with my spiritual life as well.

On a final note, inhaler and nebulizer vials, yay?

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28 thoughts on “Oh Gods

  1. You don’t have to necessarily abandon worshipping Anpu and Set if Aset comes into your life. (And Netjeru will walk in and out of your life at different times.) She might want some kind of exclusivity at some point, but you can cross that bridge when you get there. 🙂 Do you think a bit of divination might help you straighten things out after you clean your shrine?

    Bleh, my own spiritual life is kind of floating around, too. Luckily the Netjeru are pretty understanding. I’ve also switched through deities a bit. Maahes, Djehuty, and Aset come to mind. It’s part of being a beginner. If you’re worried about doing that with Aset, try not adding anything specifically Her to the shrine until you’re more certain.

    • Well I could, perhaps I could give a shot at scrying then? Anyway, I have no intention of giving up worshipping Anpu and Set. Anpu’s calm and never ending patience is good for a fretty lunatic like me. And Set is Himself and so, yeah lol anyway, it’s hard to clean my shrine space because one, I’m lazy, two I have a lot of stuff in a small space and three, I share space with my sis and her baby.

      • If you’re half decent at scrying, then it’s not a bad idea. Since it seems to be desired, I would first clean that shrine if I were in your shoes.

        Lol, it’s easy to get lazy.

      • well I’ve never tried scrying before lol anyway, I’m not gonna do much til I can clean. It’s a lot to do in there, especially since I just did laundry and I hate putting laundry away XD

      • You’ll never know until you ask if the person or thing is real. . . but first ya gotta know if you really want an answer to that. 😉

      • this is very true! but the problem comes with how do you identify such a being? I was raised in a most spirits are unsafe, other gods are really demons, ghosts are generally nice but you need to be wary mindset. it took me months to not be halfway to a panic attack to pray or light a candle to Anpu

    • That and I tend to not know how to phrase questions in divination? I don’t know, I tend to be unsure if I’m interpreting things properly when I’m doing it, even though I actually enjoy Tarot and such. I also don’t have anything specific for anyone on my shrine so, yeah that’s not a problem. And I read your blog earlier, you’ve got a lot going on for you too!

      • Yeah, the phrasing gets to be tricky. I’m no expert, but I’ve had very good luck with questions along the line of “what’s the wisest path to take in this case?” or, “what do I need to do to make x happen?”

        For example, one of my Book of Doors oracle readings was addressed specifically to Bast and I asked, “What do I need to do to be a better servant for you?”

        Over the course of the reading and then a week afterwards, I started to put things together and so far it’s been pretty accurate.

        Divination is divination. You can’t be one hundred percent sure if you’re interpreting things properly. From what others have made me understand, you can get more accurate through practice. Getting a form of divination you relate to is helpful, too. Tarot symbolism means nothing to me, but the Book of Doors is full of Kemetic symbolism that means a lot.

      • lol well I’ve only tried two forms of divination, cards and pendulums. Never really got far with the pendulum, but I suppose I could try again. Who knows lol I was thinking about Oracle decks, but I’m poor and don’t know which one. So far I’ve only gotten one deck who likes me and won’t give me crappy and/or nonsensical readings or commit suicide. Yes, I had a tarot deck commit suicide T-T but the replacement deck is very nice and helpful lol

      • MY COMMENT KEEPS GETTING EATEN. Or maybe it’s disappeared in the ether and will reappear elsewhere. Sooooo, replying to the latest comment in this particular thread. . . T__T

        Go for the Book of Doors oracle if you’re looking for something Kemetic. It’s 30 USD, but comes with the deck, a dice, and a book explaining the meanings of the cards. There’s some New Age gobbledy-gook you’ll either have to deal with or tease out, but it’s worth it.

      • well honestly I don’t know much about Kemetic iconography and symbolism, but I would be willing to give it a shot when I get thirty dollars to spend lol what on earth is the dice for? oh and there was another oracle deck I was looking into but now I can’t remember what it’s called XD

      • The dice is the BoD oracle is to form the sacred triangle.

        Basically, you have a magic square to refer to. Each row and column corrsponds to a particular card. You cast the dice twice: once to find the column, once to find the row. Then you dig that card out of the deck and place it on the nth position of the triangle. There are ten positions. You fill them in linearly (ie: the first card you pull goes in the first position, etc.)

        A lot of the cards are images of the Netjeru. What you know and understand about those Netjeru will help you interpret the reading. For example, when I pulled Sopdet on the tenth position, I knew that I was in for an ebb and flow in my future because Sopdet represents good things returning, or good things leaving on a cyclical basis. (Unfortunately, as it turns out, the good things are leaving right now.)

        The book is decent at explaining some of the more traditional aspects of the Netjeru. If you’re familiar with the myths and basic information on most Netjeru, you should be able to spot what’s New Agey vs what’s not.

        There’s also the Anubis Oracle, but I’ve never used it or heard any yays or nays for it.

      • that’s what the name is! The Anubis Oracle XD anyway I’ve heard some good things if you throw out the almost totally New Age interpretations, especially of the Netjeru cards. I know some things about the basic myths on the Netjer, but not very deeply. Turns out it’s hard to find things, especially on Anpu, that aren’t specifically death and funeral related. Like, that frustrates me to no end for Anpu. I feel like you can’t get any info on really getting to know Him and what His personality is like by just seeing Him in the neutrality of funerary texts

      • Ugh, kill me just a little bit, I’m having trouble not losing comments and appending them to the right thread. XD

        Anyway, most of the stories you’ll find on Anpu are death and funeral related. He’s a funerary deity. 🙂 Have you read the Story of the Two Brothers? It’s less death-oriented.

        Your best bet to learn about his personality is to observe his theophanies and to interact with him. If I’d relied solely on what could be read in ancient sources about Bast, I’d know almost nothing about her at all.

      • I’ve heard of the Story of Two Brothers, but never read it. And I know He’s a funerary deity and lots of stuff about Him are gonna be that way, but you’d still think there’d be some cool stories about Him that showcase His personality lol

      • Then I definitely recommend the Story of the Two Brothers.

        The only other stories I can think of Anpu are still fairly related to funerary stuff. There’s a tale where Set in the form of a jaguar was trying to steal Ausir’s body. Anpu caught him and branded him and that’s why jaguar fur looks how it does. He also stars in the search of Ausir’s body, which you probably already know about.

        Anpu is also the enforcer of curses, which I think is pretty cool. It’s awesome how Anpu can be so gentle and sweet, but also quite savage when he needs to be. ^^

      • so that isn’t a Greek addition? He’s the enforcer of curses in Egyptian mythology too? And ya know, considering the things I’ve read about the demons in the Duat, Anpu is the quiet one you always gotta look out for. He’s a (not so) secret badass lol

      • I *think* the enforcer of curses thing is Kemetic. Poking around, it might actually be Roman, but meh, it still stands that Anpu is a total badass when he wants to be. The quiet badasses are the ones you gotta watch out for, because they don’t warn you before they kick yo butt. Lol.

    • I’m not 100% sure how you’d identify such a being. But pay attention to your feelings. If you feel scared or like something evil is around, that might be a hint.

      The only experience I’ve had that would make this advice legit is one I don’t like to talk about too much. One night, I had a bad feeling there was something nasty in my room. I ignored it. A few hours later, I woke up to see a Hispanic girl with black, stringy hair, disturbing eyes, and horrible skin. My room is small, so she was only a foot and a half from my bed. Ever since then, I’ve sprinkled water I used in libations around my room before bed. It seems to have worked. *crosses fingers and prays*

      Part of me hopes it was a hallucination.

      I have never gotten a feeling of evil or general nastiness when trying to commune with deity. Maybe a generalized, but mild, anxiety, but nothing like what I felt that spooky night. Having figures that could specifically be identified as Bast, Set, Anpu, etc. helped, too, since the Netjeru are kind of attuned to their forms.

      Perhaps your best bet is to go with your instincts.

      • Well, I thankfully have never come across a truly malevolent being like that. Family and old dog are good guardians, especially the dog. They weren’t the happiest when I went pagan, but they didn’t do much when Anpu showed up. In fact Wepwawet said hi to my nephew and he didn’t get scared lol With the anxiety bit it was more of a fear that I was doing something wrong and would be in trouble and could be approaching a demon and such and such. Once Anpu showed Himself and I discovered He was calm and kind I settled down lol

      • Glad to hear you haven’t had too many problems. 🙂 I wonder, though, if when we invite deities into our lives, if occasionally something else slips through? (This is where it’s nice to know/believe that our deities watch out for us. XD)

  2. Pingback: Cleaning for the Gods | Finding the Secret Places

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