A Nightmare Post

I’m gonna talk about a dream I had a couple of days ago, and in a later post probably some other stuff that recent reading has inspired in me. Stuff about the gods and interacting with them and really what I should be doing or looking for, both here in the plane of existence I live in and what I’m going to be required to do.

This nightmare (because that’s really what it was) started off even more unusual than normal. Now, I did have pizza or something before bed, but normally that doesn’t give me nightmares, just weird dreams. Not that I have “normal” dreams in the first place, but still. I’ve been at my mom’s house for the last four weeks and SD has been renovating the bathroom. This means no toilet or shower inside, however we have a camper with a toilet/shower in it so he set that up so we could have someplace to poop and shower. Preferably not at the same time.

Anyway, this is important for the explanation of the dream. My room is also next to the bathroom, btw. The dream starts out with me in my room, at night, apparently sleeping, but it’s not my normal room. In fact I’d posit that this was a combination of my room and the camper’s innards and the scenery from another dream I had a while back that also centered around a variety of bathrooms. I really only remember scenery and some other random bits and pieces from that particular dream, so I would suggest not bothering to ask except that it had to do with relationships and interactions and several scenes of me naked or on the toilet.

The room I’m in that’s “mine” is like the camper, only bigger and slightly different configuration (and only two beds, the real camper has three and a couch). Outside of the camper is a larger room with odd stuff in it, something akin to a dance floor (random square of hardwood in an otherwise carpeted “apartment type” structure.) and it’s got like stereotypical bachelor furniture, like a zebra striped chair and a raised floor above the main space with the dance floor in it (ie a mini staircase) and this platform thing and this really weird picture of two guys and kittens. Like, it’s a picture that I guess is supposed to be both endearing and erotic because they were naked and laying together on a bed, but it wasn’t lower than their shoulders. They weren’t any guys I knew, so I don’t know what its significance is.

Like I said, this is an apartment as opposed to an actual house, but my Mom and SD were still there and the camper was there as my room. I don’t know why, that’s just how it is. My mom comes “home” and she’s pissed as shit right? No clue why, it has something to do with a party she’s being forced to host for her job (as it stands, there’s a company picnic she has to go to and she really doesn’t find it entertaining). She gets mad at me for some reason and walks away. Later the partiers arrive. Now, I’ve been doing random shit, laying in bed, using the bathroom, showering, back to bed.

All these people are coming in now. The party guests from her job. There’s like at least fifty or sixty people, none of them I know or like and none she likes either. I was walking around trying to avoid interacting and eventually went back into my “room” and went outside for something. When I returned my mom was standing by the refreshment table and we argued about the party and the guests and she grabbed my arm and poured water in my ear. Now, I have sensitive ears, it’s one of the reasons I can’t swim and have no intention of attempting to learn again, so that water really hurt. My mom’s done a lot of stuff to me she’s not proud of (and has apologized for), but she’d never do something like that. I started flailing at her, yelling at her going “what the hell are you doing?!” and she did it again. I kept swinging and wrenched myself away from her, my ear hurting from the water and stormed away.

I talked to Sister, telling her what Mom had just done and explaining the situation. She calmed me down and explained that it was ok and Mom was just having a hard time. We went back out into the party and looked for her.

I see my mom and go to hug her and I did, but when I pulled back it was some random old guy. I was totally creeped out, how was I hugging a stranger when I had literally just been hugging my mother? I looked around for her and saw her and asked her how she had done that. She never did answer me, so I started to go outside because I was feeling weirded out.

I get outside and see my cousins (these cousins are related to me by SD as well as my biological cousins) getting out of Mom’s car. Now, the outside looked more like the outside of GM’s house and the block was pretty empty. It was sorta night time, like just after twilight, when it’s not quite totally dark but the sun is below the horizon. There was a lot of parking space in front of the house, but the street still wasn’t quite normal, it reminded me of a street from a friend’s house only in front of my GM’s. Anyway, my cousins didn’t talk to me at all, I just saw them and when they walked away I noticed the car slowly rolling forward. Great right? So, I get in the car to stop it.

Now, this is not the first car dream I’ve had where the car is having some sort of problem with the steering, parking, gas or brakes and I’m the one driving. The dreams started when I got my permit and I’ve always been ambivalent about driving, so yeah. I’m in the car and pressing the brake and it keeps rolling forward. I pull the gear shift to try to reset the parking brake, of course doing that means the car starts rolling faster. I’m coming up on a car parked down the street and I’m pressing the brake as hard as possible. I tap the parked car, inciting anger from the owner, but he didn’t do anything.

I put the car into reverse and it starts backing up fast, like I’ve got my foot on the gas. I keep hitting the brake, pulling on the gear shift, anything to slow it down and stop it. Still going fast. All I know is I thought/said “oh god don’t let me get into a bad rear end collision!” and then SLAM. Of course I hit another car, hard enough to basically collapse the entire backseat. It hurt too, and the air bag didn’t go off. One of my friends saw what happened and sprinted over, wondering what happened and helping me out of the mangled wreck. I really don’t know who it was that saw me, I didn’t really see their face, but I think it was one of my girlfriends. I stumble back to the house, and btw, the door now leads to a mall.

I pass an uncle of mine and he’s like “what happened?!” I tell him briefly and keep moving, I need to get upstairs where I can lay down because I hurt and am weak. As I keep moving, I end up naked and covered in soap. I really have absolutely no idea what that was about, but it was important because that was my new goal, to get upstairs and wash this soap off. I see this little girl, she’s dancing around. Now, my dream posits this as my “little sister” but she really isn’t. I’m not sure who she really is, but she was helping me, if only by staying nearby.

Meantime all these people are staring at me because, ya know, I’m naked, covered in soap and beat up from a car accident. These two girls at a food stand were actually talking to me, asking if I was alright and why I was down there and I tried telling them but collapsed. The little girl with me explained the problem before I fell, and the two girls panicked at my collapse. They rushed out of the food place to come help me, one went to get a friend/coworker to watch the store and the other covered me with a jacket or something. They both picked me up and followed the girl to these doors that led into a hallway with an elevator that looked like it belonged in an apartment.

They took me in the elevator and all the way up to, you guessed it, the apartment I was in at the start where my mom was hosting a work party. I can’t remember if there were still people there, I do know I had a reason to be embarrassed or something. I think it was both full of people and empty simultaneously. The two girls helped me out and I remember afterwards that I was looking at that picture of the gay couple on the wall and wondering what the fuck it was there for and who it was in it. I also remember waking up in tears and anxiety and wishing TB was there. I did actually end up calling him, he was both happy and upset about it, happy that I actually phoned him while having a crisis (I tend not to do so, even when I really need it, has nothing to do with him) and upset that I was having a crisis at all.

So yeah, no idea what to even start doing about this dream. If anyone has any suggestions or ideas, feel free to go for it.


11 thoughts on “A Nightmare Post

    • I use it too lol the thing is that I have really super specific symbols that dreammoods doesn’t always have and I don’t always figure out what a particular thing means. Sometimes it’s frustrating because I can’t really get any answers.

      • You can also look up the individual aspects – water, ear and see how you meld them together. Then again, you can also just make from it whatever you want it to be. You said you have ear troubles and yet, your mom was pouring water in your ear, knowing this. What do you think the symbolism could be? Are you worried your mom would intentionally hurt you? Or again, you can take the ideas behind what dream moods says behind the individual portions and mold them into something workable.

      • true, true, I’ll do that. As far as my mom in the dream, no i didn’t have any reason to be afraid she’d hurt me, but she is strongly opinionated and before this dream we had a lengthy discussion about respect and religion. Water does represent emotions for me, but not usually ideas, however the discussion didn’t go badly so I don’t see why I’d have such a dream

  1. There is a lot of elders and tradition and approval ideas in there. Also some things that are out of your dream self’s control. I look at going back as actually reverting to something and going forward against one’s will as just that. Being naked often means that one feels one is being caught or found out or just really vulnerable, and I think that last fits especially with all the other things going on that are out of your dream self’s control. The car, your mother’s behavior and actions, collapsing. The two guys and kittens seems like it could be an anti-tradition statement that isn’t really as harsh as people have made it out to be.

    Maybe it means you have some unexpressed anxiety about something non-traditional. Maybe it’s about your faith. The car moving forward not at your pace could be a common fear I have read of in that when people progress with faith there is sometimes a fear that they are no longer in control or are losing some of it. But crashing backwards would seem then to represent that such is not a good option either. And the anxiety about how it will be received is also very common and that might be represented by your dream mother’s reactions. Also, if there is anxiety about people finding out, a party in or around your personal space with a bold poster exposed for all to see along with the nakedness could suggest that. I thought about the choice of faith with that because it seems like it might have been the rare thing that would have been in your dream self’s control in the hanging of it. The soap could represent not wanting to be perceived as dirty or unclean or unholy in the traditional sense.

    YMMV, of course.

    • I don’t even know at this point. you’re probably right there on the money. I’ve been having other dreams lately too. I had one like the day before/after this one about my boyfriend and me going to this big party/rally thing. Like city-wide shit. And I remember at a certain point he got into a fight and bruised the right side of his face. I was still kinda dazed when I woke up and kept checking his face for bruises. Lucky for me he understands that I’m crazy.

      Anyway, after the fight we went to the rally with our friends and saw like fuckin Boeing 757s on the road! And nobody was really reacting, and I clearly remember saying “no one better try and blame me for this” and these two people, teachers from high school, came over and started blaming me. It wasn’t teasing like they would do in real life, but I remember distinctly thinking that these were two people who often teased me like that. I don’t know what that was about. Honestly I’m not sure what any of these dreams are about, I really haven’t been having a hard time lately or thinking too much about my anxieties. Not that I can remember before these dreams anyway.

      • I am sure there are more than two possibilities but all I can come up with are two. One is that you’re submerging your anxiety and the other is that you’re having anxiety about not having anxiety.

        The second is more common than people think. I hear it frequently. People get nervous when things are going well and begin waiting for some other vague shoe to drop and that causes anxiety.

        When it happens to me, I look at it as a freebie. I shuffle it off and proceed.

      • lol well I don’t normally get anxious about not being anxious. I do get anxious about not being depressed though. And I do have free floating anxiety, so perhaps I have subverted something but at this point I’m not sure what that might pertain to. I didn’t think I was having any problems

  2. Pingback: It’s Another Night of Torment | Surrounded by the Sun, Dancing at the Horizon

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