Update! So, as it turns out, He just wanted my attention for its own sake. We had a mango and challah bread and some strawberry lemonade (He’s currently testing chocolate soymilk, I think He doesn’t particularly care for it). He also wants a walk, ie me to go on a walk and commune with Him. I think I will, in fact, do that, since the sun is setting (Good Night Ra!) and Anpu is a god of the horizon (and it’s cooler) I think that’s a great idea. I’m not sure what we’ll talk about, if anything, but hey, we got a snack in us right? Besides, I could go for a walk and I’m not quite a walker type so I should probably take advantage of that. Off I go to figure out what I’m communing lol
This is one of those blog posts where I’m not sure where it’s going or what I’m trying to say, I just know I need to write or at the very least that’s what I feel like doing. I’m not sure what I’m gonna be getting at exactly here, I know I’ve got things to say about Anpu and other stuff, but mainly Him. He’s there, I know it, even if it’s not a physical feeling per se, but there is a surety that He is nearby and paying a lot of friggin attention. But there’s also the surety that He’s waiting for me. I’m not sure what He’s waiting for, but I’m sure He is. There’s something He wants to say and that I should be doing, but so far I’ve little inkling what that thing is. Yesterday I wrote a blog post about the dream He sort of appeared in. Obviously it wasn’t His form as one might expect from statues or something, no He was the moon in this dream and literally came closer to me in the dream, specifically because I asked. That and He was staring at me last night, from the real life moon, through my window. I’m not sure what He wants though.
I’m actually certain that what He’s asking for is not more ritual, He would certainly appreciate me showing up in shrine more, but that’s not what He’s looking for right this second. Please, if anybody gets an idea, I’m open to hearing it. I’ve since figured out, both from my UPG so far in this path and other devotees of this Jackal, that He is more likely to just stare at you until you figure it out. Or perhaps, staring past you until you turn around to see what the fuck He’s looking for. This only bothers me because I’d like to go do whatever He wants and I’m not sure what it is and it’s irritating because I’m rip rarin to go and perfectly fine with getting dressed and going somewhere. And lemme tell you, I’m not the sort of person to just randomly get dressed and go somewhere by myself for no particular reason, but I’m totally ready to do that, but I’m not sure if there’s any reason to do so. Like for real, what on earth should I be getting figured out here?
I see I’m dancing around in circles here, but that’s really what’s on my brain now. What am I being asked to do here? And for heaven’s sake stop staring! Yes, I still feel like Anpu is staring at me, in front of my face, just glaring at my forehead to bother me, or on the couch across the room, staring at me while SD and his buddy work on remodeling the bathroom. If they weren’t here I’d be talking to His presence over there, wondering why He’s just looking at me so damn hard. It’s not real glaring, it’s not even particularly impatient, it is just very obvious and intense and I’m tired of Him doing it without answering with at least a nod or head shake or something. Something!
Of course, now I’m starting to think the purpose of Him doing that was just to make me recognize when He’s trying to ask me for something, considering the reason I wrote this post was because I felt like He was bugging me to do so and ask for help figuring out what He wanted. So, now I have to wonder if I’ll get real requests later lol well I asked for it, go me XD He’s still staring!