This is the Post that Killed Me

So, I’ve fought with this blog post for like, three or four days. It’s not that what I want to talk about is particularly troublesome or anything, no, it’s just that my brain would go bleh when I sat down to write it. Trying to force the issue never helped, so alas it stuck around for a couple of days as an abstract concept. In the meantime, I have a scarf to finish crocheting as a gift to a friend, a stuffed animal to make for Nephew, and something abstract that I haven’t decided yet to make for Anpu. That last one just got added on as I was writing, I’m assuming He wants one lol

Anyway, back to reality, I recently received an oracle reading from a great blogger who is a follower of Hecate. Here it is: “You recognize your weakness before your strength, that’s your first, most limitating boundary. Look deeper into that issue that concerns you and change your angle- you will find  that the door you persist in believing locked is anything but. There’s no limits in there but those you imposed on yourself. Move past that mindset and the key will appear evident and fully into your reach.”

I’m still wrapping my head around that. I’m tempted to ask for clarification, but not only do I not want to pester SBC, I’m also aware that deities are not the sort to just hand over all the answers most of the time. Sometimes they make it really obvious, but that’s hardly the norm. I know the oracle seems rather straightforward, but I’ve no idea what Hecate is actually referring to as the locked door. I already know the first sentence, that’s something I’m aware of and have been for a long time. It’s the rest that boggles me. I had like ten questions I really wanted to ask, but I didn’t, because it’s ten questions and I wasn’t the only one waiting for an oracle XD so I went with “just whatever She can think of”. Yeah, and I got that lol

I was thinking of asking Wepwawet or Anpu, but Wepwawet likes to be cryptic too, mainly because it amuses Him. I guess I just don’t want to bother Anpu with it. I’m not sure, I just haven’t bothered I guess. Quite frankly I’m still working on getting to know the Jackals and I don’t want to be asking a million and ten questions just because I’ve got Their ears. Which, I guess is a bit ironic since asking questions is how you get to know people. Ugh, I’m really terrible at this aren’t I? I wish this were easier, or perhaps that I wasn’t so insecure that I’m doing things wrong. It’s hard because I’m easily excited and as such try and be skeptical about perceived answers and such. That and I get a lot of negative thoughts in my head and I don’t want to mistake them as being from a higher being. And I’m talking negative like doubts and a variety of depressed thoughts.

That’s actually why I no longer use my Tarot cards. I keep getting these super negative readings from them and I honestly don’t know why. I’m actually about to start looking for cleansing rituals and such for the cards and the house in general that don’t involve incense because of this. Speaking of which, if anyone has any suggestions I’d welcome them. I can’t use incense in the house, everyone who lives here has sensitive noses, allergies, and asthma. Incense is a no-no as much as I’d love to have some. Maybe the problem is the ghosts in the house. If you’ve read some of my other posts you’ll know that my great-grandparents and my grandfather all float around the house when they feel like it. They also were devout Christians in life, so it is possible that they aren’t very happy about my choice of spiritual path. In life they weren’t really the sort to interfere in the sense of making threats or whatever, but as far as I know they were all about telling you the bad things that could happen.

I doubt they like my Tarot cards or my gods coming in the house. I wasn’t having most of these problems before my first tarot deck, so perhaps that is a reason? Who knows, I just want to be left alone to be happy with my boyfriend and my gods and have happy relationships with my family and friends.

See, and part of the reason this weirdness going on in my house sucks is because it’s hard enough for me to get things going. I’m getting acquainted with deities, I’m trying to find a job, I have bills to pay and trying to save, and I have a relationship to not implode. As an added bonus I’m getting re-interested in divination, but I don’t trust my Tarot or pendulum to be helpful because past experience says they aren’t consistent or trustworthy. I don’t really know what to do, and I don’t want to be a pest to my Jackals. After all, we’re still getting acquainted and I’m already running my mouth over the job situation. I know They care, I practically hear the rolling eyes at this neurotic 20-year old girl running in circles like she’s being chased by bees in a flower field. I know, but I’m still running in circles and don’t know how to stop.


8 thoughts on “This is the Post that Killed Me

  1. I think things like tarot need breaks, and consistent negative readings aren’t realistic but they are probable. I do not want to get into probabilities really, but you could with tarot like with any deck and gambling. If you want to get a different flow, toss it up perception wise. You stay away from them for a while until you come at them with a different perspective OR give the cards a break. Cards scream when they need a break IME. They will 10 of swords you until you cry etc. Think of it as them telling you how they are doing instead of telling you how you are doing.

    I stay away from pendulums, they give me headaches.

    Sounds like your home provides little in the way of peace and privacy and lots in the way of noise and distraction. If you could re-organize and make a space for yourself, something sacred then I think you might feel more at peace. If the space has to be of time, so be it. Schedule the time and protect it.

    As far as the oracle goes, I got mine and it didn’t apply at this stage in my life but was almost word for word one of the standard pat responses that used to be given by machine psychics in amusement parks. Super vague and could apply to anyone at some juncture in life.

    I do not think that the person doing it was doing anything untoward. I think she was and is very genuine. I also think that she may have been left a stack of cards in place of actual interaction from Hecate.

    Honestly, I don’t think Hecate likes humans. I think she kind of resents them and might even revel in their demise. Idk, it’s just a feeling she gives me.

    • Well, to be fair I haven’t bothered them in months and i wasn’t using the cards a ton to begin with. I pulled them out today to find that fourteen were stuck together and one is severely stained from the lining in the box i bought for them. Basically my cards are now damaged. The damage varies between the fourteen and they’re warped from pulling them apart. As far as the house goes i don’t have much space or peace. At least not the type where i can forget everything and everyone else for a moment and focus on me and the gods. And usually by the time i get it I’m tired and frustrated and my focus has fizzled. Not to mention my energy and that of the house is scattered and tends to stagnate in the individual rooms. It’s kinda weird to describe. There’s a lot of movement in the house despite only three adults being here, then there’s a baby and large puppy and family ghosts, but the energy tends to just swirl downstairs and near the staircase. The rooms are primarily sleeping spaces (as they should be XD) but the energy upstairs also swirls in place. Basically it’s very easy to get distracted or to not move even though you want and should be doing something. The fact that only the dog has a somewhat normal sleeping schedule probably doesn’t help lol

    • I would have homestly preferred it, if you had let me to know this in perso instead of reading it here by accident. To say that Hekate dislikes humans because you didn’t like the vaguess of your oracle, in total absence of interactions with Her, it’s something I find offensive toward Her… and I am not saying this because I feel in any way slighted by your comment on me ‘being left with a stack of decks in place of my interactions with my goddess’ as I know it yo be untrue and you are fully welcome to your doubts.
      The deity interrogated during oracle work has not always something of specifically important and poignant to say to a querent I suppose, especially if the deity is not specifically invested in that person or the person is not facing a particularly complicated issue .

      • I apologize for not saying that to you personally. You didn’t ask for feedback so I didn’t give it. I should have been more thoughtful though. Especially in my wording about being left with a deck of cards. That wasn’t meant as a slight to your relationship with her at all. In my mind it meant more about her interaction with the querent as you have explained.

        And I don’t think Hecate dislikes humans because of the message. It’s because of other experiences. I caught myself in the assumption that gods and goddesses actually liked humans. It’s like the assumption that mothers like their children. Some mothers don’t and resent their children and the sacrifices made on their behalf. It’s a hard thing to comprehend but it exists. Sometimes the only way to see it is through their actions. I have thought that many of the old gods disliked humanity in general in this way sometimes. But Hecate had been on my mind and the vision of her as this great womb, struck me and made me remember mothers who’ve done the job but resented it. And I reflected. Would my issues and concerns be more annoying than interesting? I think they would be. I think a lot of human’s concerns would be. So repetitive.

        And there are words attributed to Hecate in which she warns not to call upon her in trifling ways or too often. My reticence to call upon her through oracle was largely because of that. I think it’s reasonable and add to that my base concerns – I can imagine a resentment there.

        I think I got better than I deserved from the oracle, and I do appreciate your offering it. Again, I apologize for not coming to you and for my poor wording. No offense was meant toward you or Hecate.

  2. Aine, I was visting your blog- thank you for the ‘great blogger’ compliment. I don’t know if it helps, but I don’t think the Lady would mind being asked for specifications -not necessarily through me, I bet She would be willing enough to give you an hint of what She meant if you ask Her directly, with a libation.

    To steal a fellow devotee quote ‘Hekate is a midwife and She just wants to help us to be born’.

    • yes, but how would I know what She says? The gods are not always direct as we all well know, and I’m still working on my phone connection with the Jackals XD and, what would you suggest as a libation?

      • Well, Hekate is subtle but somewhat also very … vehement when She wants to get a point across. She would not need words – She would send you a concatenation of coincidences leading you to a different POV or hammer you with the same message over and over again via movies/music/books/fellow humans until you get it. Its how She did it with me whenever I hit an ‘un-listening’ phase. 😉

        On the libation- I found Her to be a lady of rustic tastes- wine, honeyed milk, simple milk, even olive oil … if you want to give Her food, boiled eggs are, I suspect, Her very favorite thing.

  3. Pingback: It Just Can’t Be Easy Can It? | Surrounded by the Sun, Dancing at the Horizon

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